COS' WE ARE WINNERS FOREVER

#2

2009-12-20T19:49:00.001+08:00

[yao] crisis of faith says:

haha it's up to your interpretation

maybe when you stand by the person no matter what

xian - eloquent but narrow says:

yalor

damn weird

[yao] crisis of faith says:

but i think loyal friends do that too

xian

xian - eloquent but narrow says:

true true!

[yao] crisis of faith says:

in 4L i know Antonio* always stood up for me

xian - eloquent but narrow says:

as in Antonio?

[yao] crisis of faith says:

yup haha he was my best friend

but you know sometimes

xian - eloquent but narrow says:

ooooh

um hmm?

[yao] crisis of faith says:

when we get into friendships too fast too strong

you tend to want to pull back

ive experienced that quite a few times before

and im afraid i pulled back in sec 4 like the most ive ever pulled back

and we've stopped really talking since

i guess that can count as one of my biggest social regrets and mistakes haha

xian - eloquent but narrow says:

ahhhh

[yao] crisis of faith says:

it's really unfair to your friends when you do that

xian - eloquent but narrow says:

um hmm i agree

[yao] crisis of faith says:

especially if they put a lot into the friendship

i dont think he knew what was happening haha

xian - eloquent but narrow says:

ya its not very nice

*Names changed to protect privacy

Sorry friends but sometimes I really need my space and then life steps in to screw us up and I’m actually quite a terrible friend to have because when I’m feeling sian at life I just stop trying too! It’s not that I don’t know what’s happening or I want some things to happen, but if you know me you know I tend to act according to my feelings and what I love (such a selfish on the spur of the moment bitch I know) and it’s difficult to force things sometimes. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m sorry for all the social faux pas and regret the mistakes I’ve made.

#1

2009-12-19T19:47:00.001+08:00

Yesterday I had this puzzle which I couldn’t figure out. What is love exactly? When do we know that we are in love, and not just having a crush or a mere attraction? (Everyone has crushes to differing extents, and I once knew a girl who went through 6 boys in 2 months) Can infatuation actually be mistaken for love? How do we know what we’re experiencing is love exactly?

Quoting Joey out of context: “I want to jump on him”. Is sexual interest love or mere lust? If lust isn’t love, which I sincerely don’t think it is, then I think love develops from friendship and emotional attraction. Then again, sometimes even the line between strong liking for a friend and an emotional crush is extremely thin.

Someone told me that love cannot be labeled, and is not meant to be defined. There are no boundaries or distinctions, because it is just a feeling you get. When you keep thinking of the person, when you smile when you think of the person or talk to him/her, and when you feel bubbly and happy inside just from talking to the other person. How amorphous and dodgy, but extremely true.

I think love is an undefinable feeling that comes in degrees. There cannot be definite stages or distinctions of levels because honestly it’s impossible to measure the amounts of it you have. Instead it is a continuum, a gradient of varying degrees and sometimes we fluctuate, but love is when you are with the person who makes you smile the most and makes you want to burst with emotion. Though not in your loins because I think that is lust. So I will not worry anymore about whether I love, or I’m just attracted to. Because it’s all the same.

Someone told me that he had thought about this same question the whole year. He said that his crush was a boy and told me who it was. I was suitable impressed by his bravery and implicit trust in me. But then again, I think sometimes we are willing to tell our secrets and worries to people who we trust but are not that close to us because sometimes those same people are the ones who won’t judge you or will not be around you every day of your lives to pity you. We all hate people who pity us, and sometimes we worry what they are thinking when they look at us. Anyway after thinking about what he told me and that it could never work out, I think the greatest sorrow is to love someone, and not have any chance at all of having a relationship because of such a situation as above. At least ugly girls still have a chance at getting with hot boys however infinitesimally small it is. If unrequited love can be so painful, impossible love must be –beep-

Ah well xian and I have the weirdest emo talks, and she told me to take the colourgenics test whenever I’m feeling weird :D And it’s really quite true actually. "You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone. You don't like authority and you rebel against all forms of limitation. You are your own person and you intend to stay that way "

Well that’s quite true because these few days I’ve been a bad boy, arguing with my father every chance I get. Actually he argues with all of us because he insists on having this perfectly organized and structured house and household, every little thing is a personal affront. I cannot stand how people can accommodate him just because they are scared of him, sometimes I think people need to tell him in the face what’s wrong or what they feel because a family isn’t a dictatorship.

yao met new people

2009-10-03T21:53:00.002+08:00

"Hey, later some of my friends will be coming over to see the house."

I thought it would be 3 aunties, but it when i walked down the stairs to give a perfunctory greeting i met like 3 big families. An especially appalling fact given that i was only dressed in my normal too-big comfortable home clothes while they were all nicely dressed with half of them teenagers my own age. (good looking to boot!) CRAPP i felt totally under dressed and self conscious (and i hate feeling inferior), and actually it's only because there were teenagers there that i felt this way. Don't you think it's strange that sometimes we value the opinions and way other teenagers view us than what adults think of us? Even stranger considering that adults' opinions are probably more mature and should thus matter more.

But anyway, i guessed that they were from church (where else can you find youth from a huge range of ages whose families know each other well), and one of the guys who i thought was like 20+ was my old church friend. Haha when his mother introduced him, i was like "Jacob... from good news kids?" He doesn't remember me ): But the only reason i remember him was somehow cos we played toy story together LOL. He's my age. And i thought he was 20+ not because he looked ugly and old (in fact he's quite good looking lol), but because he was DAMN big sized and mature looking. No wonder considering that he's been living in Australia for a while and's now in NS. I find that people overseas tend to look much older relative to us! So that's the first thing i realised. (plus his brother who's two years younger than me is just as huge and still looks older than me and i think they like to gym too)

And the second thing i realised, is that PSC psychometric test was right. I am socially awkward and shy. I AM A LOSER ): Like i've met a whole bunch of youth i have never seen in a long time, and i really wanted to get to know them again (i love getting to know new people!) But i couldn't work up the courage to talk to them more. Okay it was a two way mutual awkwardness and silent agreement to sit on the fence between the decision of "to talk" or "not to talk". We tried, like start-stop question-answer. WHY AM I SO AWKWARD AT THIS ): Okay i just couldn't think of what to say or how to become friends again in the limitless expanse of 10 minutes that was left to us.

The last thing i realised, is that i love meeting new old friends! Especially new old young friends! Though our meeting was awkwardly short and painfully unenlightening, i still walked away with an inexplicable feeling of exuberance. I feel like bursting and telling the world my news, so here i am again (: telling the world the news of my not-quite joyful meeting with potential (which was not met) new friends. omg i really am a loser ):

say you will believe me

2009-01-03T21:45:00.008+08:00

I just read my previous posts again. And I really felt like crying ): I'm so so different from who i used to be, WHAT i used to be. I don't think i can ever be the person that i was, or have the environment and friends that i used to have again. I'm not saying that my life as it is now is for the worst, but I cannot exactly say that I am glad of every aspect that I have changed in (: (definitely not!)

2008 has been a fantastic year, with SO MANY new things, realizations, exciting friends and responsibilities! It's the first year of my life of truly being a fully retired swimmer, and though i didn't think i would ever say this, I'm glad that i made the decision to do something new that i like. I still like swimming! But I only stayed cos of the friends, and it was one of the constants in my life (there are precious few constants now, so best friend i treasure you all the more for it!). Haha so isn't it terribly surprising now that i hardly even know any of the old ssc swimmers anymore! We used to call ourselves such old friends, but i guess it's just part of learning what life is about, when this year i find that we get so caught up with so many new friends and things that we cannot even find the time to go out with each other anymore (not even once!). Haven't talked to any of you for ages, should go out soon! (but that's we always say right you busy people). I guess sometimes, it's a matter of prioritizing!

I realise i may sound a bit sardonic, cos I may fail to realise that other people have more important commitments or even funner friends to hang with. But one of the things that I've learnt this year, is that we really really need to look back once in a while, and make time to reconnect with old friends and strengthen old ties. Don't you want to be able to look back 20 years down the road, and still share a common history that you can laugh about and draw strength from, with one of your closest and oldest friends? (Naomi i love you!) It would be a great shame if 20 years down the road you would pass your childhood friend you spent 10 years playing with, and not be able to recognise them. Not because of the difference in physical appearances, but because you forgot the people of your childhood.

One of the reasons i find myself blogging again, is because I am really really scared of the possibility that in the future, when i walk down nostalgia lane the only thing i would remember would be the bare facts of my childhood. The schools i came from, teams i swam with, awards i won. But i think when we grow old, those things aren't the kind of things we want to remember! Sure, that's what we are all aiming for now, but i think I want to reminisce about each and every important event of my life. Every outing i had, every training i died in, every practice i laughed at, every performance i had! I'm loving how my life is currently, LOVING IT ALOT, and the thought of forgetting everything makes me want to cry. So nowadays, i realise when i spam photowhoring, part of me wants to be able to treasure every moment of my life, and be able to keep the enjoyable moments i have with all my friends forever in some form.

Another thing that 2008 has made me realise, is that time passes too fast, and in such a way that it leaves you feeling that you've been cheated somehow. Because we are too caught up in the moment sometimes, or fail to truly realise how we can never go backward, but only forward all the way; we never truly really learn to enjoy and appreciate each moment of our life. Sometimes council work gets too fricking tiring and late at night we all keep complaining to go home. But 2 years down the road, when we are all on our separate paths (half of us in N-fricking-S!), i think we would really wish to go back to the times we spent with our friends, be part of the 28ths again, be a councillor again and resume all the tiring work we do (: (with so many many good friendships and fantastic memories too!). We must always try to enjoy each second of our lives with all our heart and sincerity, because that's the only way to live life with no regrets. I already regret that i didn't enjoy 2008 fully enough (even the horrible campaigning season omg, and especially orientation! it passed way too fast), because already i feel like going back (: I want to fully appreciate each second, so that I can be satisfied with moving on, and not let happy moments with my blessed friends just fly by me to become stale memories. Life rocks so we should fully enjoy it! (i know i've been saying life sucks, but that's because i'm stressed okay!)

In 2008, I'm so glad i made the big decision to run for council (i didn't intend to be serious about it even up till the interviews!), and to join dance (albeit that has mulitudes of problems attached). Quitting swimming was quite a sure thing already la. Getting jaded, falling out of touch with friends, and feeling like getting out of the pool the moment you start warm up is never a good indication of happiness!

Council has provided me with so much fun, learning and joy that i can never imagine not joining. I am so so greatful for the amazing numbers of friends i have found here, for the support they provide me, and fun we have together (:

Services! We are totally the ~~bitchiest~~ nicest group ever, and we have just SO much synergy it's damn amazing. Thank god i joined services cos i can't imagine working with any other group of people, and which other group would be so retarded! Haha we need to become less bitchy though! (that's only wen yuzhou and fang actually cos Hiok and I are not bitchy at all) Wen, yuzhou, fang and hiok I love you guys!
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PUI (: you may not know it but you make me so happy! Haha i am really really glad that you joined council too cos at least one of my best friends from RI can continue to build memories together with me. You always make me laugh haha but sometimes during school you can be terribly mood-swing okay!
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There are alot of people in council who have made me SUCH A LUCKY PERSON, love you guys so much (: xian, hoho, cheryl ang (LAODA), chiobu boss woman, wangwang, td, mingming, cheryl teo, and so many more. You guys (actually 90% of council la huh, like 80 people) have me the happy person i am most of the time (: and i never used to be this outgoing and strong! (y) I must say, i become stronger, and a better person merely from being a part of the 28ths :D
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I'm really glad i joined (modern) dance too, but i have also learnt alot of lessons from this choice. Haha when i first got in i was so excited and happy okay! I honestly did not expect to get in (: I must say, I loved it at the start, and i still love dancing alot. I may not be very good, but i still enjoy dancing (even if i look damn ugly noobing around haha). I think joining dance, has taught me some of the biggest (and harshest) lessons about myself. I think all of us naturally like to feel good about ourselves, but sometimes when i think about how i used to think and feel during certain pracs, I urgently feel a need to become more mature in my thinking, and more accepting of other people! Not everyone needs to be seen, if you're good you'll naturally draw people's attention no matter where you are. And if you're just horrid you'll make people puke if you're right in front anyway. Things always have a way of being more than they seem, just because we are not looking at things from an audience's (this isn't referring to dance performances specifically, about life in general) POV, never stand in the shoes of the people around us, but always observing and making judgments from our little narrow corner. Don't you think that is terribly unfair!

This year, I have learnt from people like yanhan and sharon (extremely horrific superwomen), to always be able to be mature, and see things from the view of everybody, and take charge of your own life. When you find yourself in a bad situation, don't you think that the best option to take would be to try to make the best of things and try your best to make things work, while learning from the experience! I don't want to ever be stuck wallowing in despair, and being a complain king, just because that would be so embarrassing even as i seem like a mere child in comparison to the successful mature people around me. We must always give others a chance too. Even when we hear bad things about someone, or have already made our own judgments of the person based on our own observations and interactions with him/her, it is no reason for us to treat the person badly and make life tough for them.

I think there have been so many instances this year that i have acted too immaturely, and stupidly (i cringe whenver i think of them!), a lot of people must have formed negative impressions of me from those experiences. Even if life is being really unfair, or someone is being a real bitch, what we must always do is to take it in our stride, and just make the best of things! People will not like you for being bitchy and hating the person (even if they share the exact same feelings too), but people will definitely admire you for always being able to be so mature in your interactions with others, and in dealing with situations in life. Turn our complaining into constructive assessments, and negative thinking into positive thinking, and I'm sure that's half the battle won (:

We should also NEVER, EVER, begin any interaction with anyone on a bad note, or form a negative dead-end relationship with them just because we do not like them. I am ashamed to say that I have formed some negative impressions of certain people this year, just because of what i hear from my friends, and superficial things i see of them; and when i actually do begin to really interact with them i find that they are just cool human beings like all the rest of us, albeit with their own faults (which all of us have!). Everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves, and everyone is interesting have redeeming qualities in their own way! We should never be too quick to judge, and as a result, be too quick to make assumptions just because we think we know better. Always keep and open mind, and an open heart (: I am also ashamed to say that i have actually shown my annoyance and negative feelings on occasion (especially in dance i am so sorry i don't know why i get so pissed), and actually make everyone feel stressed or unhappy. I think being the doom cookie is never good! And even though you may feel really dissatisfied, it is never justifiable to show your anger or confide your annoyances in others, because it would just add to the overall feelings of stress and discord. No one likes you for that, and no one would think better of you or understand you if you do not voice your opinions out in a mature and non-accusatory manner. (I must become more open-minded and less selfish!)

I regret that dance is nowhere as bonded or united as council, and my swim team, may have been. But i realise that sometimes we just don't give it a chance, or each other a chance. If we have something to say and don't say it out loud, that's definitely going to cause distrust and ill-feelings. If we want to be "glam" and exclusive no one can blame people if they do not want to hang out with you just because they have better friends cos you don't make space to welcome them. If all we want is for the world to see us (i must say, a lot of dancers are like this, not that this is bad! but isn't that natural for a dancer? after all, we may join dance because we like dancing, but part of it is also because we like people to watch us, and that is where a lot of false pride and selfish-ness stems from), then we cannot blame people if they say we are fake and stuck up.

Okay i think if anyone ever reads this i would have made alot of enemies so moving on! I think that in 2008, some of the things i regret most (besides the things i already mentioned up there!), would be:

1. Not keeping my promises to myself
So many times, i told myself i would do this and that, and as usual procrastination occurred! (or i plain forgot), but in retrospection, if i had managed to be disciplined and actually did everything i wanted to do, i could have so much more than i have now, experienced so much more than i have, and be so much more than i am now. Life gives us all the time and opportunities that we need, but all we need to remember is that we need to seize them and make them ours. (that's how the successful people do it! they can't all be geniuses!) A big regret in this area would be my promos, SATs, council work, and those lyrical jazz lessons i always found excuses to not go for! Also all the catching up with old friends that never happened, just because i never got around to doing them.

2. Neglecting my studies (YOU HAVE NO IDEA)
No comment. NEED TO FOCUS NEXT YEAR.

3. Being afraid to do something I know i would later regret not doing
This is something i made up by myself (so proud of myself thanks), and something that has been a daily note in my phone since july now. It's to remind me of missed opportunities, and missed friendships, just because we are afraid of failing, of not liking what we chose, or afraid of being rejected (this is effing scary). I am afraid of so many things. But i think the fear which makes us not be able to show our true selves, not be able to act normally, and not be able to reach out and grab hold of the things we actually really want, is something we have to overcome and remind ourselves about. Life can be so much better! Not everything will end badly, and not everyone will reject you being their friends, or not say hi to you when you say hi to them. That's one of the ways i learnt to be more outgoing and to make so many friends this year, just because i wasn't afraid (agreed part of the new courage stemmed from the realisation that alot of people thought i was really nice and cute, but the lesson about humility shall be talked about in another post). But there are still so many instances when i was afraid to go for the chance, or to open my mouth just because i was afraid, and don't you think that's SUCH a stupid reason to not get happiness? Don't regret not doing something just because you were afraid or lazy to do it in the first place, because the decision to overcome that always lies in your hands!

4. Not realising that life is how we live it
Life is how we live it! Think about it, and if you realise what it means, you can sms me to thank me! (This is another constant reminder in my phone haha)

5. Smoking through life
I think if we do something, it isn't very great to make your achievements sound bigger than they actually are, just because you want people to think better of you. Neither should we twist the truth, and make half lies/truths for the same reason, or to save us from embarrassment. Even worse, it is a bigger shame if we make excuses for work we haven't done, or make meagre half done work sound complete and bigger than they actually are. I would be lying if i said that no one was judging you but yourself. But then again, how can we be proud of our actions, or claim to be successful when half our life was made up of embellishments and smoking? The most successful and respected people are those who make light of their achievements and do not bandy them around, they are also the people who do only what they said they have done, and always do what is expected/needed of them. (I'm glad there are so many good examples this year i can learn from!) You do not need to make your ahievements sound better than they really are, or say that you have done things you haven't done, just to gain other people's approval - IT'S EMPTY APPROVAL.

For 2009 i must:

1. Keep my promises to myself
2. Keep an open mind
3. Be more mature
4. Be more understanding and be able to approach every situation with a positive attitude
5. Give everyone and equal chance
"To make new friends, you have to be one yourself" - chiobu boss woman
6. Remember the past even as i move forward in life
7. BE DISCIPLINED AND STUDY HARD (a recurring resolution every year)
8. Appreciate and enjoy each and every moment of my life
9. Set goals
10. Love life (: and try my best no matter what! (don't you think that instead of spending 1 hour doing something half-heartedly, and just wasting our time, our 1 hour could be better spent by concentrating and putting in your best in whatever you choose to do!) We have so little time to do the things we want to do, or live the life we want to live, so we should make full use of what we have and be accountable to ourselves by giving our best each time.

HAPPY 2009 (:

Time

2007-09-12T18:44:00.000+08:00

COS' WE ARE WINNERS FOREVER

Before everything went into fast forward, and before the whirlpool rush of emotions and events that began on thursday night, i was running laps with nat around the pool. I had heard stuff but it still hadn't hit me yet, and i thought i would be stronger than that. But then while i was running, wang jiao lian asked me what my plans were, and in the middle of my first sentence i just choked up and had trouble controlling myself. I couldn't say another word or i would have just started to cry. Haha it was a surprise really, i had to run to the toilet after that, even before training really started.

After that, that thursday was a maelstorm of emotions and rage, but what i will forever remember would be that worst training ever at ssc, where everyone just sat there in despair and defeat. Haha it was impossible to control myself, and even worse when i asked kat and gohgoh if they could stay, and they said maybe not. That sums it up, the reason for my fears and my despair. For like i said before training, it doesnt hurt that bad that im losing such a great coach, but it hurts very badly that im gonna lose my team.

Since primary one, i have been swimming at ssc. And since then, it has been my second home, and the friends there have been special to me in a way, because we can't help feeling better about people you have known since young and have swum with for a long time. It's almost like a family you've known and swum with since young. Like wang jiao lian told me today while we were talking and reminiscing, "these are the people who we've "pei yang" (brought up) from young to old". There, these are the people who coaches like wang jiao lian have seen and taught when they were 6,7 years old, when yiwen was still in primary four, and i was still in elementary.

These are the people who have been swimming in the club for as long as i can remember, going through all the coaches, the squads and the sets, sometimes with me, sometimes not. But we had a common identity, with ssc as our home and our team since we were young.

I daresay i know most of the places in ssc now. I will forever remember the old sports building, where we did our dryland, either in the gym or outside. The third floor where we did dryland while it rained. The swimming office where we used to steal biscuits from and where we used to hang out while waiting for jaan. I will remember the squash courts and the stairs!

I will also really remember the old toilets where we played. Where we ran around naked when we were young (hahaha). Where we ran to for refuge when we cried. Where we bathed and gathered in before and after training. Where secrets were exchanged, where we changed in everyday.

Where they played soccer. Where mansheng and kenneth made me laugh so hard. Where i would run to to cry when i had to. Where we would bathe alone in the wee hours of 530am morning, during training. And feel pretty damned scared and alone haha.

Because these places and memories were an integral part of my life as a swimmer, and i shared these things with all my friends i love.

Well, what happened these few days forced me to think. Without my squad, the team that i loved so much, do i still WANT to swim? I don't know anymore. Obviously i don't swim because im a top swimmer or because i want to represent my country. But i think, that i swim because of 3 reasons. I swim for my friends, i swim because i love swimming, and i cannot imagine not being a swimmer after having been one for such a long time already.

Today, i was the only one from my batch, my generation, at training, up until elliot came late at 5.40pm. If it will be like that, if i do not have my old friends anymore who i go to swimming for to see and to swim with, if we will never swim as a team under jaan again, i really don't think i will have the heart to continue swimming hard anymore.

Mayumi quit ssc yesterday, and she has always been one of those who i have seen as one of the oldest, and solid parts of my ssc team, because she always seemed like she would be part of ssc. So i dont know, with so many people gone already, and even more trying out sac, csc, and ace this week and the next. I really don't know what to do.

I dont want to quit swimming. Because i love the sport, and i truly love the memories it has given me, EVERY SINGLE aspect of being a swimmer. But i don't really want to go through each session alone with small kids only, with my old team-mates gone to the other clubs, with the friends i have known and swum with since young now at other places and making me feel foreign and weird.

But i do not want to change club, because even if i do, i think i will still miss ssc so so much, even with only the small kids here at training, and evil people throughout the club (ooohhh scary, hitler like stupid people heehee), it still feels like home. Albeit a very empty one.

So i still don't know what i'll do, and i cant help feeling defeated with everything that's happening. All i want to do is wait, and hope for the best. But i still am so scared and i dont just want to wait and be left with nothing, even if there's nothing i can do.

My ssc elite squad, batch of 2004-2007 under our best coach jaan! We have trained together since young, we have memories of each other at such young ages that few others outside of our team would have of us. We have supported each other, gone out together and played so much together. Gala nites, maydays, our bazaar stall where we raised 1000 DOLLARS together, our captains! :D, all our telematches from when we were young (I was in dolphin! WINNERS), all our relays, all the asean cups, all the JICs, all the open champs, all the midget meets, all the JAGS/NAGS, all the school nats. All our movies, all the dinners at the club, when we used to play catching at the playground before training, where we inevitably had some of our crushes secret or not! We have shared so much together, and we have loved this team so much. There are just too many memories i think we wont forget.

I really still dont understand why this is happening, and i dont want anyone else to leave. But. Yeo, addy, howe, kat, benho, kang, yang, yang again, rachgoh, mayumi, yiwen, orion, kenneth, peck, russ, gareth, emily, samm. And even people like tammie, nat, michelle, bengoh, shinhan, t-yunn, den, douglas, elliot, sopisa, orisa, and such. I will miss this team so fucking much! Forever and ever you bet on it. I don't know what will become of us, what you guys are gonna do, or what i will do, but i just hope that you all will stay, so that i will have a reason to still be happy swimming. I LOVE YOU GUYS AND THIS TEAM SO MUCH.

To lose anyone of you will be a pain, and the risk of losing the whole team, is just too painful for words, because it is what i really swim for. I knew that it would end one day, but i didnt think this soon or sudden, while i am still a swimmer and am still swimming. I don't know what to do, but we're SSC SWIMMERS, SSC ELITE SQUAD 2004-2007, JAAN'S SWIMMERS forever and FUCKING FOREVER.

(PLEASE DON'T LEAVE, COS IF YOU THINK CAREFULLY, DO YOU REALLY WANT TO LEAVE? WE CAN DO THIS, AND WE SHOULDN'T SPLIT JUST BECAUSE WE WANT TO SHOW OUR UNHAPPINESS. LOVE PEOPLE!)

PS: MAYDAY NEXT YEAR EVERYONE COME TO THE CLUB AS A TEAM AGAIN! SET!

PPS: IF YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS THE SORT OF SHIT THAT YOU CAUSING RIGHT NOW, AND YOU DON'T CARE, EAT MY SHIT YOU FAT ASS!

wherever you are

2007-09-04T21:20:00.000+08:00

This vid damn nice.

Near, far, wherever you are

I believe that the heart does go on

Once more you open the door

And youre here in my heart

And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time

And last for a lifetime

And never let go till were gone

dont regret what you chose not to do because you feared to do so

2007-08-22T20:37:00.000+08:00

I HATE MATH! wth im so damn stupid it's so effed up. aiya the mistakes (ALOT) i keep on making are so incredibly stupid i should just die for being so stupid. knn.

GRYFFINDOR:

[x] You've never done drugs
[x] You have a lot of friends
[ ] You get along with everyone
[ ] You haven't made fun of someone for at least two months
[ ] You love soccer
[ ] You love baseball/softball
[ ] You're into writing and art
[ ] Favorite music genre is pop rock
[x] You believe in "innocent until proven guilty" theory
[ ] Abortion is wrong
[ ] The war against Iraq is unneeded
[x] One of your favorite colors is red or gold
[ ] Good grades at school
[ ] One of the worst things you can do is lie
[x] You plan on going to college

TOTAL: 5

HUFFLEPUFF:

[ ] You're content with mostly everything in your life right now.
[x] You laugh a lot.
[ ] You like to follow trends.
[ ] Politics suck.
[x] You love to swim
[x] Water polo is awesome
[ ] Pink is one of your favorite colors
[ ] Black is morbid & depressing
[x] Michael Jackson is talented as a musical artist
[x] You're an optimist
[ ] You're completely straight-edge
[ ] You're very emotional
[ ]Rap, R&B, & hip-hop is your favorite music genre
[x] You don't believe in going steady at a young age
[x] You've made fun of at least one person this week

TOTAL: 7

RAVENCLAW:

[ ] You're depressed to a certain extent.
[x] You love to read.
[ ] You appreciate theatre & arts.
[ ] Sports suck.
[ ] You're shy.
[ ] Bush is trying his hardest to be dumb
[ ] You've been in love before (dunno really)
[ ] You're very smart
[ ] Hate is completely unneeded.
[x] Loyalty is the MOST important thing in a relationship
[ ] Emo/screamo/indie is one of your favorite genre of music.
[x] Every once in a while you have little anger outbursts.
[x] Lying is sometimes okay
[x] Red is one of your favorite colors.
[ ] Serious is better than funny.

TOTAL: 5

SLYTHERIN:

[x] There's at least one person you hate.
[ ] Basketball is a good sport.
[ ] Football is amazing.
[x] Black is a cool color.
[ ] You've dated a slug
[x] You're a very deep person.
[x] You have considered suicide.
[ ] Favorite music genre is metal.
[ ]They make school seem more important than it is.
[ ] You're scared to grow up.
[ ] You've done drugs in the past month.
[ ] Anger is one of your primary feelings.
[x] You have trust issues.
[ ] Guilty until proven innocent.

TOTAL: 5

HUFFLEPUFF!

"we must not regret what we chose not to do because we were afraid to do so" - ripped off somewhere while blog hopping today.

I think my marks are dying right now, but like shaun said, i put in utmost effort in whatever i do, but i am reluctant to start doing it in the first place. LAZY PERFECTIONIST :D Haha AGREED. aiya but i think im getting too stressed out with this kind of attitude, and im getting so tired. Even being serious and wanting something very much isnt enough anymore, apparently now i'll have to start actually doing my math worksheets ): Cant stand it, and all the tests are so soon now, everything's coming to an end, i just wanna sleep.

Even if we do not get what we want, and life dumps a surprise on us. We should just scold ourselves for being stupid, because at the end of the day, the mistakes that you make are yours and it's your fault. Then we should completely put it behind us, and look forward to the next obstacle with a new goal in mind. A PERFECT GOAL because we win and we can do it!

these days

2007-08-05T15:14:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was fun! In the morning was RJC scholarship day, the scholarships are really interesting haha just depends on whether i get or not ): ah well but only PSC offers for medicine i think, that sucks. But i didnt know that there were so many scholarships! When i went into the hall, i saw soo many scholarships that i had never seen before, like brightspark, and HDB, hahaha i didnt know HDB offered any scholarships. But then of course they would be more urban plannign and property development boring things :D

After that, naomi, ahgong, norris, jiahong and i went to bugis to eat lunch. And they gave me my present there! Naomi and ahgong did it. It was a great present la haha. and i just realised what i could do with it! Like my life picture diary (y).

And last night was uncle leonard's farewell party. It was quite fun (: we played catching, hide and seek, basketball (we took over the court while they were still playing soccer XD). And we took lots of pictures! Yay! BUTBUT we got uncle leonard a watch, and the parents got him one too. Funny la haha. It's kinda sad since uncle leonard is leaving since we can never seem to manage to keep any coach for a long long time and in a few years maybe jaan might leave us also. But we won't be able to care anymore cos we'd be in the midst of our A levels then (: Though it'll just suck when we come back after As to slack around and jaan isnt here anymore (if he leaves), but it's like that.

Pictures up!

yay

2007-07-11T22:36:00.000+08:00

You notice im like coming back to blog slowly again!

Haha im only blogging now because i havent had this much fun in ages. What to do ive been too sad for too long. YAY. 200 im was fun, even though i screwed up my finals, but whatever! School nats this year was loads of fun for two weeks haha YAY. I think i just love swimming and my teams. B div won! though c div lost. But aiya it was just cos of all the DQs and withdrawals! wah lau haha good job anyway.

Anyway besides finals 200im yest, today was fun! went to school, had fun, was confused in math cause of skipping 2 lessons on integration, understood the other two lessons and skipped RE. Haha. I like this raffles family shirt too. After going to toa payoh, it was just talking, playing, and taking pictures. Quite tiring haha and at the end when we started cheering it was DAMN FUN. Just like last year lor. But the other ri guys keep bullying me lor fine haha.

And kat introduced me to my idol! And wen too. OMG! I was so happy and kinda in shock, so i could only smile! Wah lau! Like idiot can haha i hardly talked, AHHHHH i should have said something! I feel so stupid, but nvm there's one more year (: And he knows my name now! YAY :D THANKS KAT (Y)

Dunking was fun haha. As usual. But got backstabbed so many times haha and i hugged ahyang going down the first time cos he was supposed to be my pole or smth for me to grab onto -.- But so useless pole can haha. RAFFLES!

Thenn went dinner at vila'ge and it's really fun with mg and rg there too. Rofl chenxuan wenjian kevinquah and i shared our food so we ordered a lot and ate a little from each. Lawl i dont wanna leave ri now leh. Sec 4 is so fun, despite it being so stressful. And just when i got closer to my swim team. Aiya just dont waste your time in ri okay. We must plan a smashing grad nite and make everyone cry!

GO RAFFLES SWIM TEAMS! (Y)

friend test

2007-07-03T16:25:00.000+08:00

Create your own Friend Test here

2007-07-01T18:26:00.001+08:00

OMG. i just saw smth on the bus, and i must tell! I saw.

This family! of 3 kids and 2 parents (duh hor). But the kids were two boys and a girl, the boys were like 4 years and 9 years i think, while the girl would have been about 7 years. I first noticed them at the bus stop when the oldest son shouted cause his father kinda pinched him. But i dont mind, i forgive them! Cause they are so cute :D

Haha they have COOL american accents! like really really american accent. I think they were born there and just came to singapore recently in the past few weeks or smth. But DAMN COOL to hear those little kids talk so well, and well, grownup for their age. I mean nowadays all the singaporean kids go "uh this is what?" But this kids were damn cool okay. Wah lau and the oldest kid just knelt on the bus seat to watch the tv behind him, and once in a while he would tell his youngest brother to stop playing or smth.

The youngest brother and girl kept fighting with their balloon sticks, and the youngest one almost cried because the girl wouldnt let him see the spiderman costume that their mother bought for them. Then he was like "(sister) doesn't let me see any of her stuff. Ever!" Then he would screw his face up and throw a tantrum. SO INTERESTING!

And btw they are really good looking kids, yeah all really good looking! Go kids you have my blessing! Haha cute + good looking + hot american accents + maturity of the sort unseen in singaporean kids today + less self-conscious than most singaporean adults (you know how the westerners are compared to us) = I ALMOST WENT UP TO THE PARENTS TO TELL THEM HOW COOL AND CUTE THEIR KIDS WERE.

Haha i was seriously contemplating it okay (:

since i feel like

2007-06-17T21:34:00.000+08:00

okay since i feel so much like crying now, im doing this now. and i havent touched schoolwork, but whatever.

taken from samm's blog (: ten things i want to say to ten different people in no particular order.

but then i think about it. and i think. and i really think now that i have only five people i want to say anything to. ya blame it on my mood but whatever. ah well the others you're just not worth my time. kidding :D

1. Yo! you go girl. Yes we definitely used to be very close and i really miss what used to be. We had A WHOLE lot of fun together. And i realise that sec1-2-mid3 were i think probably my happiest times ever. I think we have changed some. You definitely are not much of a swimmer spirit anymore :D and i dont know what i am. Yes i will cherish all those times and i will forever and ever cherish the memory of the party okay. Thank you so much for the things you have done and the memories you have given me. And it sucks right that we can only now talk about the memories cause there's nothing much else left right now. Blame it on circumstance (: But whatever, love you forever.

2. Hello. we used to be the best of friends i know, but then ah well we havent been for a long time already. You now dont really know me, and i dont really know you. And i know you are sad about that sometimes, i dont know if i am. But i know im probably the one who spoilt most of it and im sorry for being such a horrible friend but we have our different lives now huh (: Dont worry life isnt that bad and well be happy, you'll forever hold a special place in my heart, because you are one of the three very special friends who have been with me since we started, and i daresay the four of us have been growing up together yes. You might not know it, but i think we will always have a special place in each other's hearts.

3. Yo! Haha i think we've drifted. We always do (: But now aiya okay you are one of the special four we have. And will be one of the special 3 once ____ goes away. We've had this talk before huh but i hope we'll always have each other to chill with no matter what cos you have too much of my childhood history for me to part with happily. Yes we've been through all the swimming and saturday afternoon tkds together, been through the upgradings, afternoon trainings in advance with wangjiaolian, keith kows, kevin kows, shawns and waynes, your various boy-fans, and all the people we will have fun with! together. So yes i hope you will cherish all the history like i do and i hope we remain friends forever. We may have drifted, i dont think you will readily tell me about everything like you might have used to, but i dont know. It's natural i guess now that you have other friends, and we can all move on. But yes when we grow up i hope you can rmb me and say childhood friends forever!

4. hey the last of my 3 close-childhood-friends-who-have-grown-up-with-me :D you might or might not know it, but you are like a little sister to me. yay. i hope you see me as a bigger brother but i dont know haha. Well at least i know we were close like very close for many times, and we have drifted many times. I dont know if you can still tell me anything, and well you're all grown up now! no more going to the toilet with me, or leaving the dinner tables to go to the deli with me, or no more playing at the playgrounds, doing the sets together under gui. I'll miss what used to be and when you leave for down under yeah i think i'll cry when i think about what we did together and all. I'll cherish those memories forever and i hope you know how big a part you are of my history (:

5. Haha finally! Well you've been my best friend for uhh two years? i think. That short? Lawl but anyway it's been fun and i really dont know what to say. im sorry that sometimes it just seems that we dont have much to talk about or much in common, but hey we have enough just because we are best friends (: though you're not really a part of any part of my life, =x, you know that you are like a one-of-a-kind special friend that i have, just because you are my best friend and i bet no one else has anyone like that. But whatever, do not fret that you dont share so much history or anything in common with me, like my training or school life, cause that makes you special and im grateful forever for the part you play in my life. And you bother to know the names of all my friends! :D unlike me huh. haha and i hope you liked knowing all my swimming friends as much as i liked you knowing them, and thank you so much for the party i'll remember forever.

6. Finally you. Ah well i know no one might ever have guessed that it would turn out this way, i never dreamt it woud be this way.and im regretting all that i did. im really sorry that i'll never get the chance to know you better, or to say that ____. suffice to say, two songs will always remind me of you (: But whatever, i dont know if i still do because i havent seen or heard from you for like forever and i dont know anymore. But hey i hope you're happy now, doing what you're doing and it really wasnt nice, to leave without telling or anything, cause i totally wasnt prepared for what was to come. You have no idea how much i want to call you and just talk like we never really did (: Sweet idiot.

And amazingly there is no one from school. Just because i have nothing to say to people from there. huh not surprising. sorry but that's just the way i am right now (:

too many memories gone so young.

from now on

2007-05-20T22:28:00.001+08:00

Okay from now on this blog will be just to host my pictures links in the pictures section.

Pictures recently added:

Jaan's party
Aseancup Phillippines'07
Gala Nite'07
Tao Nan Gathering'07

THAT'S WHEN I STILL LOVE YOU

2007-03-15T21:23:00.000+08:00

And i heart this song's lyrics :D -Aslyn (That's when i love you)

When you have to look away
When you dont have much to say
Thats when I love you
I love you, just that way

To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
Thats when I love you
I love you, endlessly

And when your mad cuz you lost a game
Forget Im waiting in the rain
Baby i love you,
I love you anyway

Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you

When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
WhenI love you no matter what

So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie it made you cry
Thats when I love you
I love you a little more each time

And when you cant quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
Thats when I love you
I love you, more than youll know

And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you get when you show up late
Baby I love you,
I love you anyway

Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn,
The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough

I love you no matter what.

Here's mypromise made tonight. I will be happier than you, you don't matter and i will be happier and i will live life fuller than you. I will prove i don't need you, cos i don't need you. Ever.

I love you more than you know. What the hell.

Some people are assholes. Some people are bitches. Twofaced and cheap losers. Some people are just sweet idiots.

drifting

2007-01-02T17:21:00.000+08:00

" Sometimes some people don't know how much they mean to us. Or like sometimes they don't realise how much people mean to them. And sometimes they do things that hurt us, because they mean a lot to us. But they don't know what it means to us.

So what friends do is forgive, and move on.

If one of my close friends drifts

I will still be sad, but i will deal with it. And ultimately i will find strength in God
and in other people."

-Naomi

yay for the other people out there.

why

2006-12-13T15:48:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RqoR6UqWnE

down at your feet

2006-11-15T20:52:00.000+08:00

They are leaving in two days and im feeling quite sad ): haha you all will be having soo much fun there! gahh and i'll be super bored here with totally nothing to do except swim and who to go out with! nvm peck and i will train hard together :D aiya trainings will be so tough now. I always end up slacking when im under zhang jiao lian or uncle leonard -.- Sheesh must ask them to stop me. Anywayy ive been swimming horribly ah so i hope uncle leonard can correct me (: yes i will ask him to help me. Ah well.

Oh and tian jiao lian's stroke is so nice (y) much better than mine =/ but my strokes are quite hopeless la so it's no big deal. Ahhh cip duty with naomi at marine parade library on friday :D dunno how it'll go but i hope it will be fun! Then if it is i can do with naomi and ahgong again. AH WELL IT'S GONNA BE SO BORING HERE RACHEL GOH YOU BETTER BAKE ME MY COOKIES NOW. ahhh hopeless.

Oh and you know there are just some songs in life that just... have special meaning to you or just stir some feelings? Haha i enjoy listening to such songs. One of them is vois sur ton chemin. I dont know why, but everytime i listen to it, i just feel uh... weird and like i feel funny. And sometimes i feel like soaring, and sometimes i feel mysterious and small, and sometimes i feel.. i dunno. Another one is a christian song! Testify to Love, it can just make me cry la. Lawl but i wont tell you my last song :P It's personal yeah. I think all of us have personal songs which will have special meanings for us for years.

help me

2006-11-10T21:36:00.000+08:00

everyone help me!

go here ------ www.lost.eu/2cbc

life's like this

2006-11-05T18:59:00.000+08:00

Im quite happy (: holidays are here, though really compared to primary schooldays they're much busier. But then there's 9 weeks! YAY. Yesterday went back to tao nan carnival. It was boring bleargh. haha okay maybe if you had cancelled out the masses, the throngs of people there, it would have been okay. Seriously the crowd was, WTH? Haha imagine tao nan having such a thing! Well everyone looked very happy :D And i saw cai lao shi! And mrs tan's baby. The night before i was talking to cai lao shi on the phone for like 50 min. It's quite weird to be talking to your old teacher like that actually, i was bored and so i decided to call her (:

That carnival made me so hot and tired. But after that i went to watch rafflesian spotlight with ahgong. Haha i didnt know what to wear so i wore the william tan tee and pe pants. I still looked cool yes. Anyway everyone wore so nice! And so many girls went (sorry naomi =x) haha and quite... scandalous. And i really really love the atmosphere. it was like a very relaxed rowdy/fun one. Like things we would never dare do in front of teachers, i think also the lt would have acted in a different way without half of it being filled with the opposite sex.

Anyway yes the performances were all damn fun. I would totally go for such a thing again, if just to experience that kind of atmosphere again. FUN :D (Lang if you're seeing this, you were so stone! Zzzz but your drummer was fun! Is he the one sharing a blog with you?) Right before the squirrels on probation, i was telling ahgong that i hoped there would be a comedy group this year. AND what do you know! The next one WASNT. HAHAHA but squirrels on probation were supposed to be like a song group, but somehow everyone started laughing at them -.-" Okay it was really totally retarded, i think everyone totally laughed at them more than we did at the comedy group. Their drummer was gongong, and the LEAD SINGER. Omg hahahahaha. It's just... gayly retarded. haha especially when he closes his eyes and tries to sing so seriously, you just have to laugh. And when he does the CATWALK :D omg hahaha the audience was laughing so badly i think the guitarists were kinda afraid. haha people dont usually laugh and point at rock groups like laughing at comedies.

And i think the Boyah's won because of one person! He can act or whatever really well. haha the attitude and personality is just... appealling? I think half the girls in the LT secretly had a crush on him :P Lawl poor yuezheng's group didn't win anything but honestly the scouts should learn a new dance! (dont hit me!) but something like hip hop or belly dancing would be nice yes.

Went training today and ahhh im just so slow. Rachel yeo if you read this does your father want me to email him or something? Oh im ushering tomorrow for sec 4s grad night. Wait actually morning. Whatever. But it's so boring please why do i have do go. pshh.

wednesday

2006-11-01T15:38:00.000+08:00

Okay so im blogging again. Lawl anyway i realised that this year has been such a topsy turvy year full of twists and turns =/ haha everything i thought was secured and i could get 4.0 for in sem 1, and everything i thought were definitely no way, are all erm... i dont know lawl just totally switched around. I guess i did okay this CTs, on the whole quite well above average i think :D but ahhh i dont know i just screwed too many things up this year. Including some of the cts. Sheesh i cant believe i didnt read the question properly for ss (i didn't even answer the question!) lawl. Okay stupidity but this year's all done.

I really only started getting serious when jiajia told me in term 4 that he wanted to take 2 H3. ! hello 3.8 and hello muggerdom. sheesh a bit too late to tell me that. but i should make it! i hope at least with next year. ahhh. but im quite sad that my ss 89 in sem 1 is now 78. ^%&*

And now when i need to get started on swimming well, i have lymph node infection. ahhh totally sucks.

hotel

2006-10-22T14:13:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was my cousin's wedding in malaysia. I served tea and got money yay (: Dinner was at Hyatt, but before that we went shopping and then movie! Yayy we watched silk. Lawl actually i think a few years back, i might have found it super scary, but perhaps i've watched too many scary movies since, and now it just seems passing scary. Haha but quite fun watching movies again after a long time not watching any :D Erm next movie... Class outing?

But the dinner ended at late 10, and we got back at like 11.4+pm -.- Damn tired lawl. But i find weddings just so romanticly happy :D Hahaha especially the part where all the waiters and waitresses release their balloons, that part's nice.

So i skipped training today. Ah well i can hardly swim anymore after all. I dont know why i care so much though. But i will continue to believe.

Oh and shaun agreed to do smp with me! Yay :D

lala

2006-10-20T12:58:00.000+08:00

:D EXAMS ARE OVER

Honestly I am not feeling as excited as i thought i would be feeling (from now on i think i will try to type in proper english, my english teacher said i had some weak grammar -.- OMG are you very sure grr my english is ownage, so shut up) Anyway i think the reason why im not feeling as excited as i thought i would be, is because the tension slowly drained away throughout the course of cts, and the feeling of freedom increased towards the end. So much so that i hardly studied for history, and many people ended up reading their comics or playing games too. HAHAHA but i think i did history moderately okay. I NEED AN 85%.

So far i have screwed up majorly (MAJOR) in a lot of my CAs in sem 2 and a few of my CTs. But i think i can still pull through, and i have faith. I have faith that he will get me through.

Aiya now that there is no more pressure of exams, nothing much left to do in school, i have to worry about swimming! yay. I went to watch prestige yesterday. I didnt find it really nice =/ But a lot of people like it. Ah well. Oh i didn't get into LDP. Actually im not really surprised. This is the first year that they are opening it to the mainstreamers too and i think 6 out of 11 of them were mainstreamers. I was quite sad i guessed haha seeing so many of my old friends from tao nan, now in hwa chong, getting in. Sucks. What happened?

Anyway im actually quite sad over this abolishing of gep. But thankfully im in the last batch that's gonna graduate with 7 years in gep. YAY. I think everyone's sad about it but ah well. Truthfully, anyone (in a gep school) can see a difference between the gep students and the special stream. I dont know how to describe it, perhaps i can show a tiny part of it with an example

"Weeks ago, my class went to the gep room for our CLE. Surprisingly there was another mainstream class in the gep room, uh so okay we shared the class with them cause we were watching the same video. At the end of the video, the teacher asked us to stay back and help to tidy up and put everthing back (cause we had shifted everything to the side to make space). And it was the teacher of the other class. But right away, their whole class left, and my class stayed behind to tidy up and rearrange everything."

I dont know. And perhaps it is something like how our teachers told us before, that they had tried to combine both streams before in big activities, and the mainstreamers ended up bullying the gepers. I dont know, call it emotional capacity or the diverse range of innate creativity and abilities, or perhaps it is the potential to read people and empathise or the common sense. Why is there a marked difference between the two groups?

Hoho and i shall kope smth from tom's blog again :D since he did such a longlong essay.

Tom:

"K anyway all the talk about GEP being abolished has really raked up some emotions within me, so I thought I'd just take a short break (break?! I havent even started zzzz haha) and come here to say something.

I think it's pretty much something to note that, despite me being unaffected by this abolishment of GEP, I'm still feeling quite an immense sense of loss. This year's my amazing 6th year in GEP, and I think after all this while, we've really forged some kind of a common identity that been quietly layered over this period of time.

It's just a massive sense of belonging. It's the kind of feeling you get on the basketball court, in the classroom. It's something like, during the lit parody, you don't really care if you win or not but you would just prefer a gep play to strike gold. Or the deep sense of disappointment you get when you watch 1J'04 lose to 1C'04 in the 2004 sec 1 interclass 3rd/4th placing match, when you see Slau getting oled by the winning penalty. Right after that moment you could really feel that deep grief amongst the gepers on the astro steps.

I think that's what really defines us as a gep batch. Perhaps it's not exactly about GEP as a whole, but more of us as a GEP batch. Or at least more so. It's this forged unity that carries us along, not the different class of academic or non-academic intellect, or the talent that you will never fail to discover.

I have this feeling that entering this programme is more than just about your intellectual capability alone. I think MOE has some sort of amazing method to sieve out a certain group of people, although it's inevitable that anything of this sort has it's loopholes. I know of this senior from my primary school who was pretty ownage in her academics and was somewhat dubbed the 'sure get into GEP one' kind of thing, but she didnt. A few years later, she was the top mainstream pupil in nyps with a psle score of 278, and went for the gep test again. But again, she didnt make it.

I can take a look at the people around in class, and although their giftedness isnt exactly reflected in their academic prowess all the time, they are still displayed in some other way. I remember my math teacher in P4 (our first year in GEP) telling us, we were all 'potentially gifted', but whether we were or not, remained to be seen. Haha come to think of it, how do you even define the word 'gifted'? To me it's more than a measure of academic intellect. It's like a certain quality that's kinda impossible for me to explain, something like a level of acuteness, but I dont know how MOE does it. Haha I dunno, they could be just tyco. But I think it's pretty certain that they don't just sieve out this group from the scores alone. They dwell into the details and research is very probably involved.

By saying this, I'm definitely not denying the talent we can find outside of the GEP that can, once in a while, even equal or surprass that of the former. I don't like it when GEP people get 'streamist'. Haha I don't like to use 'elitist' cos I feel that both streams are champions in their own right. Anyway, I think it's a pity when people are disillusioned by the fact that they are receiving privileges and all, and start to have a strong belief that they are a class above the rest. Haha even so in the express, it's inevitable that we find people who are very against the GEP stream. I think it's hard for us to blame them, cos after all, we're the ones who have been enjoying the shower of privileges that this amazing programme brings about. But that fact that we're the minority definitely brings about a high possibility for such things, and we've just gotta learn to deal with it.

I think there will always be, to a certain extent, some sort of division between the express and gep, as long as the programme stays in existence. I think one main reason as to why we're feeling this sense of loss, is because we sort of cannot bear to part ways with the many headstarts that this programme has offered us, and we feel some sort of pity that future batches cannot enjoy what we have enjoyed. Hopefully, the new system will bring us all down to earth, patch up the gaps between the streams, and provide an equally or even more holistic environment for the development of our nation's future forerunners.

For me, I think the GEP has allowed a very very fair bit of my potential to surface. I guess I'm still in deep, raw stages of development and this cloud behind my ability is still being slowly blown away by the winds of discovery and time. One thing great about this programme is that it really does nurture, as it promises. Although I topped the nyps level in p3, I really felt really outclassed the following year when gep people from all over the island joined nyps and started interacting in the same classrooms and discussions. But after adapting to this new change, I think I was propelled to take greater steps forward. I dont really remember ever working very very hard just to 'catch up' with the better people in front of me, but I think at this point in my 6th year in GEP, I more or less am pretty much on par and working in good pace relative to everyone else. Sometimes I think it's pretty unfair that I get this opportunity and others don't, because no matter how MOE has their supersense, I dont think you can every fully detect a person's giftedness through the means of a few test papers.

So at the end of the day, we'll have to wave goodbye to the GEP pretty soon. Count us lucky, cos we still have a year left. It's amazing that we're the last batch to graduate from 7 years of GEP. It has definitely benefited us in many undescribable ways, and at the end of next year, it will definitely be hard to part. I just hope all of us can make use of what we have achieved within this programme to go out there and help others achieve what we have. Throughout these 6 years, we have had many resources taht have been unavailable to the majority. Let us appreciate this."

hiatus

2006-10-02T21:40:00.000+08:00

okay now for my three week break from blogging and msn and playing dota! I CAN DO THIS. this is my last post till the end of exams and good luck to me.

GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF US WHO HAVE EXAMS AND ARE MUGGING OURSELVES TO DEATH.

Ahem good luck :D See you 3 weeks later ahhh while meanwhile i stay in hiding to fulfill my never before realised destiny as a muggertoad. ~~i will not slack off~~

(oh shit my father might not let me go kunming! I WILL ARGUE)

i regret

2006-09-28T19:40:00.000+08:00

you made me sad all over again

i regret... what?

Not swimming again today. Sheesh la i am really super unfit but then, pe tmr! Just that the $%*& debate's tmr also. Im really scared shitless ):

cry later

2006-09-27T20:48:00.000+08:00

In ~~three~~ four strokes, my entire gpa is being screwed upside down a million times over. But then I wont cry again until it's all over. THREE MORE WEEKS AND THEN WE CAN DIE.

But i wont die now.

No matter how hard it is, we can only try harder now. CTs i will do my bestest yeah.

Start now. and die later

2006-09-24T20:04:00.000+08:00

Look at me, you may think you see who I really am, but you'll never know me. Everyday, it's as if I play a part. Now I see, if I wear a mask, I can fool the world, but I cannot fool my heart.

Yay 3 tests last week. 3 more this week. Lawl thankfully physics has been postponed. Grr i am feelign absolutely lazy now, and sucker singapore idols is on. hohoho. I found out that absolutely gorging myself on snickers, cadbury, icecream and sweets isnt very good! It'll make me feel even more lethargic. Lawl.

And everytime before training, i am an absolute sucker. I prefer to lie on my bed and convince myself that im tired and it wont be a problem to skip ANOTHER session. But everytime after training i feel happy and satisfied :D Oh i dont feel good even during training. I just feel tired and sorry for myself. ah well so it's a matter of getting myself on the way to training and through the training (: yuck.

School is stress! But i better enjoy it while we are still far from the cts. Whew let's watch singapore idol now! Yay.

Why is my reflection someone I don't know? Must there be a secret me? I'm forced to hide, I won't pretend that I'm someone else for all time. Somehow, I will show the world what's inside my heart, and be loved for who I am.

sigh

2006-09-20T19:53:00.000+08:00

School is stupid shit. Sigh so much work, so many tests. And as it turns out, hard work ~~equals~~ good results. Sheesh for our super duper big ss pt we I totally flunked it and since wei tsi is in my group %$^&. But it wasnt like i put in any less effort in this -.- And i bloody thought anticipated questions could be answered and the answers imply what anticipated question it is. Bloody one page limit. Ah well 4.0 to 3.6. But i think i can still make it because of my 89 for sem 1 (though kena sai this pt is like 30% of the year) but i think i just made wei tsi die =/ ahhh wei tsi im so sorry! I feel damn bad now =x AHHHH now i have to get 87.5 for ss and 85 for hist CT. -.-" Omg help. Im damn pissed.

Shit i my other subjects are slipping also! I think. Except math. lawl if i continue to do well math will go from 2.8 -- 3.6 and since it's double weightage, yay! Pleasepleaseplease dont let me slip. I must pull up my chem and bio to maintain my 4.0s. English is a bugger! Shit why wasnt my forum letter published. Stupid ST, though i admit it was sloppily done. omg my english pleaseplease not lower than 80 ahhh. %*&# i hope ERP is a huge percentage :D And now i have to do well for the debates.

Why so stress.. Everything needs to be pulled up and trying very hard to maintain. Even chinese, still doing well in tests but flunking the every day lijiewenda and zhonghetiankongs and essays. Those that i thought were guarantees are proving to be hard to maintain now (OKAY STUPID SS PT STUPID RUBRICS WHATEVER I DID IT WELL OKAY). Shit now how? One good thing came out of this shocker ss pt. Hibernation MUGGER MODE NOW. OH YEAH.

I feel like breaking something. And dancing yeah.

On the other hand, what happens when the teacher is not in class? :D

.... i see :D

I WANT TO GROW UP AND RETIRE RIGHT NOW. NOW!

2006-09-18T19:46:00.000+08:00

Start of the week.

Exams are coming but how do they expect us to study when they give us so much to do! Ahhh.

no offense

2006-09-14T20:57:00.000+08:00

:D And i slept like 5 hours today in the afternoon. Oucch im really becoming such a pig ): Ahhh and i had forgotten no training this saturday and sunday. Haha tmr's friday! WHOOO i happy (:

On the other hand, i got 95% for our super huge history pt. Which is very good i guess. Though qianwei beat me hmph. Aiya but then i think some/one/whatever people not happy. What to do =/ Ah i just hope he doesnt do anything which will make me despise him. Anywayy i think becoming more serious about schoolwork (albeit subconsciously and not METACOGNITION xD) really gives better grades. uh like duh. But then when i recieve papers now, i dont really look forward to them, or as excited as i would have been before. Haha maybe cos you would be disappointed if you did totally badly? I wasnt really disappointed before cos i knew i hardly put in any effort (: Though i admit still extremely slack on the whole heh.

But whatever. Im still far from muggerdom and the likes of such great muggers as the aunties in our club and samuel lim aka princess diaries. And let's keep it that way :D Till A levels then uh huh.

OH and Asean midget actually has heats and finals. YOU BLOODY KNOW WHAT? I might actually die of laughter. Hahaha please they like place more emphasis and attention on midget then the asean cup? LIke hell. They even have carnival wtf. Idiots. IDIOTS.

Aaand (i know lah complain king hoho) i think time trials for queensland should have qualifying times. Honestly lah it isnt a fricking party or a bloody competition. It's a time trial to get into a difficult meet. Like hell i hear some of the people going and wtf it isnt a picnic outing. You'll just make the whole thing lag and dumb. Make there be qualifying times to go to the time trial lah, if you havent a hope in the world of getting in in the first place, dont go lah please. [edit] And it isnt a competition and free time trial (okay perhaps it is. but you know!) have some courtesy and common sense.

Stupid peoples

dragon lady

2006-09-13T20:48:00.000+08:00

Since im feeling happy and free today, i will blog. Yay! Lawl do people still come to visit my blog? I know at least im getting more hits than the ssc blog lar -.- pathetic. Go here --> http://ssc-elite.blogspot.com Yay!

Anyway yesterday was the ambassador series talk by the china ambassador. I am ashamed to say i fell asleep ): Kinda cos i know i was still conscious of things and i was thinking very randomly about stuff the way dreams? sometimes do. And i could hear if not listen to the talk. But i was still closing my eyes and kinda uh... zoning out. Give me another 1 minute and i would have fallen off my seat. Acty no la a very comfortable way of sleeping in LTs is to prop your head up with your hands on your chin. Just that your closed eyes are exposed to the teachers. But the ambassador seems very nice. Haha yes we are the smartest and the brightest in singapore :D

But lawl you know before that we were sitting in the junior block atrium in our classes, and in the class next to us, there were two people talking. One guy was looking at and kinda flexing his arms and the other guy saw, and commented "nice veins". Omg PUKE i hear already dont know whether to laugh or to puke. Then he started flexing his arm and looking at it. Sadly for him, he had no veins, i think he was disappointed. Haha now i laugh. lawl weird.

Stupid chinese cct tmr. Ahhh and it isnt like tian xie han zi or whatever so i cant mug for it ): And stupid zhong he tian kong. Omg you know ive failed most of my zhong he tian kongs this year! Scary i really hope i do well tmr. Lawl i dont think my gpa's low enough to be in danger of dropping to 3.2, but then i think 35%? of CA is all the compres, compos and zhonghetiankongs we have done. Eeep esp since i dont do well for compos and zhonghetiankongs. MORE muggable things! Lawl.

I dont think there is much work left right (: At least not the mad rush we had last term. Yeahhh cant wait for holidays. But before that, cts! Yayy mugga mugga. I dont like mugging, but i do it so little it's kind of interesting once you get down to it. Like after reading your notes and mugging, you realise you finally understand what your teacher has been talking about all those times in classes! Haha no lah that only happens in bio, chem and math. :D But then i hope i will finally start mugging earlier ): Must score yay! Overall gpa jump by 0.2 okay. I must. Though really i admit the last physics group pt's standard was quite bad i think. Haha i know i did quite okay for my part but i was too tired to check the other people's parts lawl. Esp boo who did without his rubrics -.-"

And i realise i really dont know how i stand in class. I dont know what they think of me, like me or not. It's so weird cos when i think about it, i really am not sure of what my friends think of me. Haha no acty i know what my ex 2J classmates think of me. But i absolutely have no clue in this class. Lawl they dont act like one thing or another xD

lalas

2006-09-11T21:05:00.000+08:00

insidiously addictive.

school is AHHHHH. We got back a lot of tests today and though i didnt do very badly, i didnt do very well either. Eeep since when did i become such a geek for marks. And omg another full lesson day tmr. argh. I just hope ms chew doesnt come again :D haha. I HATE SCHOOLWORK

I WANT TO WATCH THE KOREAN SANSHUN SHOW. PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE LET ME WATCH. AHHHH I NEED TO WATCH ): OMGOMGOMG I CANT STAND IT. why has school started grrr.

msn isnt working! But at least my internet's working now. Aiya i dont want to do my work. stupidstupidstupid. angels or devils

and i dont know whether to love or hate my class.. ~~Nah kidding.~~ At least, not the whole class hahaha.

I hate people with twisted minds. I hate people who are so proud and think so much of themselves. I hate small and selfish people. I hate people who are just so %$*& kiasu. Bah twisted minds part comes from all the stupid Dean Koontz books i read (:

And wtf did you see how desperate some of the prefect nominees are! Hahaha i cant believe it but bookmarks -.-" omg and two of them have blogs. -stunned- Hoho exact example of the %$*& kiasu people i cant stand. Or maybe just desperate. But those kind dont make good leaders or people anyway. erhem no offense.

SOME HEARTS GET LUCKY SOMETIMES.

Sorry russell i wasnt pointing it at you on purpose heh :P

[Edit] wow i was really random.

2006-09-10T23:29:00.000+08:00

quit.

2006-09-06T15:58:00.000+08:00

Im happier than ive been in a long time. for no reason i can see.

Holidays are good for health :D

On the other hand, im damn tired.

twice in a day

2006-09-01T21:15:00.000+08:00

Today was quite an interesting day. Lawl i went training in the morning, my brother said it was the first hard set in a long time but i really didnt think it was difficult. Lawl i think all the boring 20*100 types are much tougher! Like that can swim until want to die ah. Im glad to say i didnt succumb and start slacking :D Im strooong yeah.

Went home played for a while, gahh im still so noob at rhasta. Then after lunch i slept till aft training. Lawl it was such a nice weather to sleep in (: All cold and stuff, the pool was much colder than it has been in a longlong time. Yay. I remember i used to be REALLY cold last time when i was young, and really freezing every session. Then now i really cant feel it. Ah well.

Training in the afternoon was okay. But the fly/breast set was tiriiing. I almost wanted to give up after 20. But then i thought might as well finish hard without regrets. Then gahh for every one of my strokes kenneth did like two lah. I wanted to punch him. My arms were totally dying liao x_x Damn difficult to lift up, and then see him just go boomboomboom past me without stopping, i think even my sprinting stroke rate cant go as fast as that -.- Lawl luckily there was breaststroke heh. If whole thing fly then byebye (:

Lawl and playing with kenneth is so interesting. Haha and you girls ah, tsktsk laugh until like that. I thought you all would have been embarrassed lawl. Damn sick =x

Anyway orion came! Yay. It's been such a long time since he came. Then we walked back together after training like before and i felt so nostalgic. Last time we used to wait for each other and walk to the main reception together. It feels like so long ago, and now i realise that i've like 1 more year to go before im jc. When im in jc will i become like him and yiwen? ): I dont want to become like that. Ahhh 1 more year, then i'll be old and gone. I really really miss all the times i had in the past, and i'll never forget my life i had here in the club.

all my people round and round, party all night long

seven lives

2006-09-01T09:18:00.000+08:00

Seven things that scare me

1. Dirt
2. Losing to people worse than me
3. Hitting my limit
4. Rejection
5. Embarrassment
6. Not being able to do what i try to do
7. Hell

Seven things i like the most about myself

1. Anything

Seven most important things in my room

1. Bed
2. Clothes (i lost one of my favouriteshorts i dont know where it is!)
3. Bolster
4. Pillow
5. Blanket
6. Carpet
7. Stuff under my bed

Seven random facts about me

1. I desperately need to get more CCA points
2. Honestly considering many CCAs for more points!
3. I skipped training yest
4. I am quite sure of my EOY GPA jumping by 0.2+ from sem 1 :D
5. I weigh 51kg
6. I am 170cm
7. I like to watch movies (:

Seven things i would like to do before i die

1. Travel round the world
2. Live on a mountain somewhere nice in Europe
3. Become famous
4. Fund many charities
5. Be a success
6. Go clubbing (im a guai kid okay)
7. Be satisfied with my life

Seven things i can do

1. Sing (i so can!)
2. Run (slowly)
3. (when im really forced to) Mug (quite well actually when i do get down to it)
4. Blow bubbles in the water
5. Swim 1 lap of freestyle without stopping! (:
6. Play dota yay
7. Choose what i want to do

Seven things i cant do

1. Be good at swimming
2. Be hardworking
3. Change what people think of me
4. Sing really well ):
5. Be a real success
6. Own at dota
7. Be the best i can be (yet)

Seven things i say the most

1. Lawl
2. Okay
3. Oops
4. Haha
5. Erm
6. Pui
7. Sigh

I gotta go play now :D yay.

let this party never end

2006-08-31T20:59:00.000+08:00

holidays. finally! woot.

from a time when i was really happy (:

Busted

2006-08-29T14:54:00.000+08:00

Today i had no lessons! :D so only went to school for last period cle. Lawl did my chem and chinese before that. As usual such cle free lessons are all loud noises and brawls! Woot. Plus scandaallls haha.

I caught sam lim redhanded! reading his favourite novel tsk!

Ohhh busted :D Haha like ms chew said smth along these lines "Usually you don't see 15 year old teenage boys reading such a book." Haha but then sam lim's not the usual kid. Our PSLE top scorer worhxx. I should get myself some princess diaries too haha (:

Some hanky panky business going on with edwin and qianwei weeks ago. Haha no lah edwin just decided to hug qianwei's leg while qianwei was talkign to the class. Lawl and i just asked him to move his head up abit for a nice photo XD Scandalous.

Oh and lionel had his first date today! Though i heard things got a little out of hand, i think he had a great time (: Right lionel? Hahahaha.

2006-08-27T20:47:00.000+08:00

1. I’ll respond with something random about you

2. I’ll challenge you to try something

3. I’ll pick a colour that I associate with you

4. I’ll tell you something I like about you

5. I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you

6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of

7. I’ll ask you something I’ve always wanted to ask you

8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your blog

Naomi Yang QiYue.

1. forever and ever and ever.
2. try and throw me a better surprise party! xD
3. red
4. you're my best friend
5. when i found you talking to cheryl chua kai ting
6. rabbit
7. errmm i ask you anything i feel like asking lawl

roll over it's party time

2006-08-26T11:10:00.000+08:00

No more assignments due for this term! YAY except for dmp la of course. But those that count in our CAs nono. I am so happy (: Lawl dmp has been quite fun. Haha we watched alot of things in our final lesson of film criticism. But now i have assignments from that and chinese song writing. Sheesh you would have thought that electives have no assignments. Logic and paradoxes last lesson was a little more difficult than the rest. Lawl not as fun, this one really made us super tired. Haha i could only finish 2/6 sudokus ):

Anyway im going back to tao nan next week! Yay i didnt swim from tue to thurs again and when i swam yest, i was already dead after warm up. Lawl interact club looks fun (: so does LDP. Haha i think im applying to join LDP next year, though i dont know which teacher to ask to recommend me =/ I hope they dont refuse -.-"

Got back physics CCT on thursday and it was quite okay la :D Haha though very careless. Then after that went to pastamania with ahgong and the rest of his 2L friends. I didnt know pastamania got 30% discount from 2-5! Haha next time i'll rmb.

And i installed warcraft 120e version already (: Now can play battlenet again! Whee.

http://ask.yahoo.com/20060818.html proud to be a nerd. (:

2006-08-22T15:39:00.000+08:00

Anyway so many things to start doing now and finish by tonight! Math log pt, mug for film criticism test (i heard ms johnson's a shark at marking), finish the philo discussion tree for tmr's discussion, and... i cant remember =/ hahaha anyway today's logic and paradoxes lesson was fun again! Woot like really really damn slack and super fun. Haha i truly enjoyed the lesson la, it was like solving funny word quizzes lawl.

Art and morality philosophy lesson was... Quite a usual philo discusson -.- But the topic we were discussing was nono! Haha ahem we watched candy shop again and started discussing about what was porn and erotic art and whether candy shop was porn. Lawl we ended up going on to very sick things and ended up at animal sex? Lawl interesting. But it's quite dead la i feel. Lawl philo...

this is really nice http://www.stwing.upenn.edu/~jenf/writing/rant04.html and sadly, i agree (:

thursday

2006-08-17T21:52:00.000+08:00

i skipped training again today. Lawl. Logic and paradoxes class was fun! Haha seems very slack x.x Whole day just try to draw paradoxes, just that most of mine couldnt work! Lawl i covered the whole paper with them but only two works. Haha acty quite fun to (try to) make.

And when i hear wen say that she might join polo and leave swimming. I feel happy for her that she has found something else that she likes. Ahh cause i feel so much like im going nowhere in swimming. And i dont know why i continued to hang onto swimming when it's so useless. I know i loved swimming but know that im not really sure if i like it so much now (esp since i hate it sometimes now), why am i still swimming? Lawl there's a few other options and i wonder if i would have done better had i stayed in polo.

scary night

2006-08-16T21:33:00.000+08:00

I had a scary night! Aha quite... frightening lawl hope it doesnt happen again.

Anyway school was quite fun this time (: Art and morality was erm quite the typically philo lesson just that mr dennis au showed us the mtv of The Candy Shop. OMG have any of you seen it? Surprisingly a lot of the guys didnt know the lyrics while i surprisingly did. Lawl coupled with the images =x Super sick. Lawl hahaha chocolate, whips, bed and bath :D

Chinese was quite fun again. We spent the whole lesson listening to people from the Lee Wei Song school sing and explain things to us. I know the right way of breathing is like that, but i can never seem to breathe properly with my diaphragm! Lawl anyway they sang quite nicely lah. I liked the Hidake? teacher best. And the students remind me so much of barbie dolls when their sing (:

Training today was surprisingly fun and i tried quite hard so im happy. Yes and it's been a long time since i swam like that. Haha. But im so horribly weak now =x much much more than before. Ah well.

And during dinner i knew something was wrong when my father starting talking about know's not the time and im not old enough -.- Erm i think now i cant go out without my younger brother going cause everytime i go out they suspect me of something -.- And apparently im not old enough. LAWL of all people to suspect me of that. Tsk.

i was late

2006-08-15T21:32:00.000+08:00

lalala. I hate swimming. And i had no first period lessons today! But i still went for school early anyway. Ah well. Stoned in the library and it was so boring! Very quiet ya cause most people dont go school early if they have no modules in the morning =/ But then i finished reading my english notes. So i got a book to read. And since i was so sleepy i tried to sleep on the table. And it wasnt very pleasant cause i dont like showing my sleeping face to everybody but hiding my face wasnt very comfortable lawl. And the table top was so hard and my face started getting hot and itchy. Gahh then i went back to class during recess to do history with ahgong.

And i was late for english film criticism! Like quite late i think. But i didnt think i would be late ): I was like walkwalkwalk then eh omg the class is full, everyone's sitting down reading their notes. AHHHH. I went in and the very full class looked at me ): Lawl i was "ma'am sorry im late" and i tried to smile hahaha. And then she said "im sorry you're late too" I thought she was going to scold me la. Then she told me to go to my seat. So embarrasing lawl. Anyway we finished watching S7ven. I thought it wasnt really nice but the theme and idea of it was quite okay la.

On another note, straits times rejected my letter! hmph i feel so... rejected lawl. No full marks for me ah well. Suckers.

Slept in again today (: At this rate i'll never go back to swimming happily and well.

who finished last

2006-08-14T20:55:00.000+08:00

yay while im waiting for ahgong to send me the petition i guess i shall just blog. sigh. skipped training for two consecutive days again. All because i was lazy again. Lawl my brother keeps asking my mother to quit me from swimming -.-" I also feel like quitting, but then the best alternative, cross country, is so tiring! Lawl i like running but while im running i really feel like dying.

And you know what? I finished work at 2.30 last night! Yay only to find both stuff are not due today. Ah well. Ways of readings was a horribly boring course. Lawl it's not really very tough i suppose but quite hard to get sometimes. Bah and financial math again =/ Last week's was easy. Like peasy easy. but tiring. This week's erm difficult. SUPER plus mr tan goes zooom without waiting -.- Like he's eager to just finish the whole lesson. He just rushes through one question on his notebook then expects us to understand it in one look as he zooms to the next question. HORRIBLE LA. Even with norris beside me i was having trouble understanding some questions.

RE was so useless cos the other groups didnt prepare so no presentation today. Lawl but my group did a dry run and im glad we did! Hah horrible lah. I wish i were smarter. Much smarter.

i miss you so

heeren

2006-08-11T19:41:00.000+08:00

Morning training again today! Exciting. Actually didn't want to go, cause i slept at 12.30 -.-" Lawl i finished work then jiahong told me i did one part wrong, and though he wasnt my partner he went through it and helped me. Yay! xD I still think it wasnt a very good piece of work but who cares. The case study on the cover page totally owns the others. Anyway so after 4.5 hours of sleep i was surprisingly actually quite awake! Must have been because of all the time i spent sleeping in the afternoon yesterday =/ Hah then morning training was fun. Lawl im beginning to think training is fun again. Yay!

After that had only one lesson in school. Phonetics transcription. Ermm it's quite interesting lah. I think i more or less know all the symbols for the consonants now but then some are quite complicated, and we haven't even touched the vowels or special symbols yet ): Ahhh but i predict my pronunciation will become much better! Yaya liaison and dais!

After that at 10, i went to hand up our ss project. And yes i feel that im becoming more and more erm, like, not so restrained with teachers anymore. Ah well. Went to orchard cathay to watch a movie while waiting for samm to finish school. Lawl watched super ex-girlfriend. Quite funny la especially all the sick parts! Omg. Haha. Then walked all around heeren.

And finally samm turned up. Lawl then we went to look for someone's present. Walk up and down again and again. Haha we just couldn't decide what to buy. Finally went to buy... something! Yay. And i really liked that white and black/green converse wallet. Ahhh but then i decided not to buy considering i started the week with 90 bucks and now im left with 20 bucks around there. Lawl. Next time i go out to heeren. I will buy! I really like it. And we also saw the black version of my myuk wallet -.- That looks more presentable heh. Ah well then ate another lunch at pastamania. I realise i eat a lot when i go out. But that's good right? Lawl.

Anyway forgot to say that i learnt how to use the club's massage chair! Yaya im quite pleased i didnt realise it was so fun! I used it for like 45 minutes on national day eve and i realise my shoulder position is very low =/ it was at medium height and the rollers had been pounding my head for 10 minutes. Lawl then after my head had been violently vibrating for some time, i realised that perhaps the rollers weren't supposed to be doing that to my head. Haha so i changed it to lower.

Anyway dinner now!

wild drive

2006-08-09T21:18:00.000+08:00

National day celebrations today were tiriingg. Lawl but then i got 3 movie vouchers (: I like. Lawl and peck our ice cream eating competition rocked! Haha i was busy spooning small scoops into my mouth while peck was busy feeding the hungry people. Lawl. But then it was fun and the amazing race was kinda retarded. So short and really quite meaningless cos we kinda cheated but kinda not. Lawl the cookies we were supposed to sell i think should have taken a long time but auntie annie just bought them from us. Haha auntie annie is very nice.

Ah well. but we got first for that too! Although this year isnt really as fun as last year's. But i dont know if i really mind la. Nothing's as good as it was before. But then i think we're trying to make it better! I think. Ah well. And i really hope i can swim well again soon. My freestyle has really changed.

Letter to editor to do. Gahh i should just write emotional cause i have no idea how to write a forum letter. And SS briefing notes to do. Stupid stupid.

And here i am discussing whether someone's fat on msn. 6L i miss (some of) you! When you are all big bosses and all dont forget me and make me a partner okay. (ahem jonlee ahem)

wisma atria

2006-08-08T20:55:00.000+08:00

Went morning training at 5.30 this morning. Gahh i totally can't swim now. And the feeling is so totally horrible. Going back to serious training after like 3+ weeks of slack shit makes you feel so old. Lawl i totally cant swim free any faster than 1.40 pace -.- Pissifying.

Anyway trained like shit. And then went to school, i thought i was late so i kinda trotted to class. And at the junior block first level, lionel shouted to me that i was late. I was like omg and i started running up the stairs. Then when i got into class, everyone was sitll there playing soccer! Lawl and they all got to assembly very late -.- And the national day programme was so boring la. Except the one at the dining hall where there was aircon! and chairs! and food! and music played for us. Lawl the fashion show was quite interesting, with some boring and some scandalous. I liked that dress part la! LAWL got slit somemore. Hahahaha scandalous.

After that i went to wisma atria to meet peiwen naomi titus. Peiwen is well. Erm quite different i guess. Not that different but still very different in a way. Her personality not much diff i think, but her manner and all. Ahhh go UK for so long must change. Then naomi's softball friend enghow joined us to go wheelock place's bk for lunch. I dont know him but titus knows him. Lawl i think he's quite nice la.

And then we went across the street to lido! Omg lido is sooo big okay. The theatre is more like concert hall :0 But then quite noisy haha. And peiwen's UK friend is so cool. Is she supposed to be goth-type or something? Haha i like. Anyway click was a great show! - if you are intending to watch click but havent yet, dont read this paragraph! -Though the funny parts were really funny in a weird way :/ And the whole show i admit a bit weird lawl. But i liked the acting (and the actors! adam sandler and kate beckinsale! x) And the sad part is sooo sad. Lawl you could hear the whole cinema crying la! I think xP I wouldnt know cos i was trying to stop myself. And it goes for so long that in the end you will still probably cry. Lawl it starts being very sad from when the children run out of the car. And all the way to the sweet note! Omg that part is very very touching. And then she says yes. I liked that part a lot.

Haha i guess click is a very nice show. Though i dont think the ratings are very good? But i still like it. The ending more than makes up for everything.

Back to training! Exciting.

busy

2006-08-01T19:09:00.000+08:00

ahhh this is the final rushrush week. Gahh it's like one of those extra stressful times where you find yourself planning everything as you walk to pe lessons. Planning when you are going to do what and what, and dropping some things just to make space for other things. And even then hoping for a bit of luck and that everything will go well, hoping the teachers would postpone the tests. Week6-10 of dmp is really giving us a lot of work to rush and complete before our lessons end. Hmph especially all teh tests ahhh. Cramcram into the last week we can hardly cope la please.

Anywayy go to my chinese project website! http://tealeaves-.blogspot.com It took me how long la.

happy birthday

2006-07-30T22:17:00.000+08:00

OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE (:

Hoho okay today. Firstly started off hte day with training and birthday smses and training. Bleargh technique. And birthday emails (: Then slacked the morning. TILL mayumi called me to go down to the pool cause she wanted to give me my present. She told me it was too big for her to carry and i was so blur i didnt see the problem with it. Hahaha and i kept keeping a distance away from the pool cause i was scared she wanted to push me in. Lawl anyway we walked roudn the pool and i noticed that the top of the barbecue hut closest to the pool had balloons tied to it. I thought it was her family that did it la lawl. We couldnt see anything other than the roof and a bit of the pillars cause of the plants. Then we passed the plants and...

YAY! Everyone suddenly popped out and shouted "surprise!" (or was it happy birthday?) I was STUNNED. Haha totally surprised okay. And they were spraying that party stuff and confetti all over. Haha and i saw the barbecue hut they had hung ribbons, streamers?, balloons and decorated it. I was so happy (: And i didnt cry (: Then i saw the table full of food! Ahhhh. I just couldn't believe that all of them came here to give me a party without me knowing x) Hahaha i am still very happy okay. There was so much food we couldn't finish. And my cake was a bigbig one from my bestie from sweet secrets! and birthday song! Ahhh huge okay (: THANKS NAOMI.

And i loved my presents too! Thank you everyone. I loved the "happy birthday yao" banner! Thanks samm. And everyone who went down to decorate the place. Ahhh then we played at the playground and basketball at the court. It was fun. And i got dunked in the pool! Plus rachel yeo, rachel yeung, peck and samm. Hoho and when shawn came with the brownie cake from sweet secrets, i felt so guilty. Ahhhh BUT THANKS UNCLE SHAWN LEE FOR COMING THOUGH I HARDLY KNOW YOU. Thanks samm and naomi for organising this (: Thanks everyone for coming!

You all made me very happy (: Thank you ssc swimmers and bestie. You guys rock.

Thank you to everyone who came down for the party. Samm, kang, wen, tzeyang, peck, rachyeung, rachyeo, benho, howe, shujian, shawn, t-yunn, den, naomi, gohgoh, kat, ems, brothers, mayumi and anymore? Haha and thanks to my mother for booking the pit and helping to organise.

It lasted the whole afternoon i had to chiong re in the evening. Ah haha but i dont mind (:

Thank you everyone else who've wished me happy birthday too. sry i cant rmb all of you xD too many hor hahaha sry. Yay i am very happy. And i cant wait for my third birthday song tomorrow from shiyang xD

life sucks

2006-07-18T21:54:00.000+08:00

lawl. you know when i woke up this afternoon i looked out of the window, i thought eh why the ships at sea got decoration ah. Haha cause their lights instead of round balls, looked like 0. Then i was like weird, then i went to the other window to look out and i was so shocked. Cause all the buildings and lights far far away, the hundreds of lights at night, all looked like zeros 0, instead of solid dots. Haha i think there's something wrong with my eyes, how? It's quite scary actually, to look at the whole world out there and see all the empty circles. Gives you a scary feeling ): How?

Ahh anyway this week's been soo busy. And gahhh it won't let up till week 7 i think ): Next saturday im not even sure if i can go for the open champs. I have eye checkup on that day, and i also really want to go for the CIP carnival. Gahh. How?

control freak

2006-07-16T21:48:00.000+08:00

You Are 12% Control Freak

There's no way you're a control freak. You're totally laid back - and able to take life as it comes.While you definitely have a healthy mental attitude, don't get suckered into letting someone control you.

Are You A Control Freak?

joining

2006-07-14T18:31:00.000+08:00

My new favourite song -- high! by lighthouse family. You know when i first heard it, i thought "we are gonna be" was "we are family". Lawl.

I survived week3. And im feeling so happy okay (: It has been such a busybusy week. But then last week i skipped lots of training, and this week i havent gone at all. Lol i dont even know if im taking party in open champs. Aiya i cant swim liao. Anyway swim for what, probably no pb. Ah and my parents are quite annoyed that i haven't been going training i think. But i seriously dont feel like going back training. But then i can really feel myself growing fat and unhealthy here. Ahhhh. I hate that feeling. Ive eaten at macs like four times this week, lots and lots of junk food and sweets. Skipped some lunches. Haha how like that?

The next 3 weeks are gonna be sooo busy cause we have no lessons from week 7 - 10 so i cant wait to get it over with. I really hope dmp will be fun (hoho and people are still going crazy over the selections) Im growing fat and my stomach is huge. I think im becoming a retiree soon but im really too tired.

School would really be so fun if we didnt have to do all those work and classes, and mugging, and homework and all. In fact, i think i would pretty much love it then xD for some reason, i found today quite fun. Even the speeches. Haha that was fun for some reason and i think im beginning to like 3L even more and more.

Not looking forward to going back training. but then, unlike some people, i can choose when, if ever, i want to go back (: tmr la. REALLY. (unless i feel like not going again then ah well)

glide

2006-07-13T22:04:00.000+08:00

haha i koped this from tom's blog.

Glide

=====

Jogging is a world of experience by itself.

After 3 miles or so, I felt a pain in my left leg.

Not a major pain, it just felt like the beginning of a cramp.

I began to limp. I didn't want to put any excess pressure onthe leg because I had over three miles to go even if I turnedaround and headed straight back, and I wasn't at the halfwaypoint yet.

Something said, "Glide."

Glide?

I began to notice how I was running with the limping action.My gait was uneven. It was awkward.I didn't know the exact kinetics, but I knew the un-rhythmic motion was putting additional strain on my leg muscles.

So I began to glide.

I focused on running smoothly.

I let my feet touch the pavement as light as possible.

Like a swan skimming over a lake, I concentrated to make each step as graceful as possible.

Within a minute, my left leg felt fine.

It was a MountainWings Moment.

Often when pain hits us, we lose our grace and become awkward.

We shuffle, stumble, bumble, weave, wobble, hobble, and stagger.

If we just glide and stay smooth, often the pain goes away,because the rough motion makes it worse, not better.

Someone criticizes us. . . OUCH!

We shuffle, stumble, bumble, weave, wobble, hobble, and stagger.

Someone offends us. . . OUCH!

We shuffle, stumble, bumble, weave, wobble, hobble, and stagger.

Someone has a difference of opinion. . . OUCH!

We shuffle, stumble, bumble, weave, wobble, hobble, and stagger.

Someone doesn't respond the way we think they should. . .

OUCH!We shuffle, stumble, bumble, weave, wobble, hobble, and stagger.

Instead of maintaining our peace, the smooth gait, we become frustrated. That makes the pain worse, not better.

Instead of forgiving and forgetting, we retaliate and remember.

That often makes the pain worse.

Many of life's pains would go away if we'd just learn to glide. Yes, it hurts, but the shuffling and stumbling usually doesn'thelp.

While jogging (or with any exercise) if pain starts, it's usually wise to just stop. This was more a spiritual revelation yet, it applied to physical things.

If we can keep our movements, thoughts, emotions, and spiritsmooth, that often takes us right over the rough things.

Glide

~ Gan Yu Neng, May 2004

monday tmr sch nats

2006-07-10T18:21:00.000+08:00

Hoho i have selected all my dmp modules (: and i am so proud of myself haha. I took 1.5 hours to do it. Lol but SOME people took three hours hor hahahaha. It's really damn stress. From 3.40 spill all the way to past 5.30. Oh that's almost 2 hours right? Lol damn annoying. And i didnt get to choose all the modules i wanted then gahh.

So i didnt go training. At all today. Hmm not like i particularly feel like going anyway. But i must get my fitness up soon. And hopefully do well for open champs. But it's not like anyone gives a shit about inhouse competitions anymore hor. Haha nobody even stays behind for the prize presentations. I bet it gets a bit boring after a few years. Lol and there wont be any small kids getting prizes for open champs anyway.

And i have been reading books i have read before the whole day today. And i have loads of homework to be done. Ah well again all the languages. Arent they annoying. Lol my dmp modules are...

calligraphy

ways of reading

logic and paradoxes

transformations

writing film criticism

germany: birth of a dictator

huntington's disease and ethics

Doesnt it look fun -.- But then week 7 to 10 no lessons! I think i can live with it.

Elite is NOT dead.

title

2006-07-06T19:20:00.000+08:00

foaly666 Demons don't cry. Laugh with pride and arrogance! says:
put urself thru hell and back or till u find a passion for swimming

foaly666 Demons don't cry. Laugh with pride and arrogance! says:
put urself thru hell

foaly666 Demons don't cry. Laugh with pride and arrogance! says:
hell not as in 5 hrs of training

foaly666 Demons don't cry. Laugh with pride and arrogance! says:
hell as in train until ur body wants to collapse

foaly666 Demons don't cry. Laugh with pride and arrogance! says:
then train somemore

[Zi YAo] maybe I am falling down says:
haah i will try ok

foaly666 Demons don't cry. Laugh with pride and arrogance! says:
lol there is no try! only do!

I will try LYS! I know ive made a lot of empty promises. But this time i will try >.<

sad

2006-07-06T18:46:00.000+08:00

I guess. I do feel ~~a little bit~~ very sad. Is it my fault? Enjoying my break now.

You know when you gave your love away
It opens your heart, everything is new
And you know time will always find a way
To let your heart believe it's true

You know love is everything you say
A whisper, a word, promises you give
You feel it in the heartbeat of the day
You know this is the way love is

Amarantine
Amarantine
Amarantine
Love is, love is, love

You know love may sometimes make you cry
So let the tears go they will flow away
For you know love will always let you fly
How far a heart can fly away

Amarantine
Amarantine
Amarantine
Love is, love is, love

You know when love's shining in your eyes
It may be the stars falling from above
And you know love is with you when you rise
For night and day belong to love

angry

2006-07-04T20:54:00.000+08:00

hoho. it was such a mess today (: but no matter. i shall be angry tomorrow. and try my very very hardest for 1500 free. (though oh shit it seems so scary and painful) who cares. haha i shall do my best and if i do a pb. how i swim is like how i train x)

gagadollz

2006-07-03T20:05:00.000+08:00

Dearest someone told me i should edit it. so.

[edit]

I think i have a very biased coach. And i dont like my coach very much.

If i don't do well for my STRAIGHT FINALS events tmr morning and wednesday, i will blame someone. For not tapering me when he said that i would have a four day taper. For not allowing me to get up and do my homework so i could sleep by eleven tonight. Well if i do well then credit goes to me anyway since i haven't been training under him much lately duh.

-censored-

and it doesnt look so nice now.

bye bye

2006-07-01T21:11:00.000+08:00

yayness. i skipped afternoon training today again. Yes and i haven't been training (well). Im so gonna die for sch nats on tuesday ): Club nite was so tiring and not very fun. Lol no pb. Tsk and gahhh i know im so gonna do so badly for my 400 free. Aiya i know 1500 free at least 7th definitely. Then stupid 400 free if i do badly then kaput. i dont waaaant straight finals.

First week of school is over! And i survived xD but then the rush and die week will come in week 3. uh oh. CANT WAIT FOR NOVEMBER.

And one more week! Then auntie t and mummy den will quit swimming ): Aiya it's really damn sad. i'll really miss my auntie and my mummy. Especially AUNTIE T. Haha must get down to buying their birthday presents and writing their letters.

it does not help

2006-06-26T22:05:00.000+08:00

hoho im becoming quite the rebel.

But anyway. Last night i cried in my sleep! Like cried and cried and cried. Cos i remember last night i had manymany dreams cos i rmb i kept waking up because i cried. Then i go back to sleep again and i woke up crying. Lol how stupid. Haha but i cant rmb what i cried about, except for the last thing. But i wont say x) It's quite bad.

School tmr! May everything go well. Aiya.

I dont feel like being captain anymore.

monday. and im dead

2006-06-26T17:58:00.000+08:00

Im pissed. Today i went training late. Cos i was finishing my History of English essay, and honestly who wants to do a long long essay with lots and lots of research (bloody lit review!) and suddenly stop when you're right at the very end. You want to finish it right -.-

Gahh so i went late. And oh yes fitness studio was such a nightclub with so many little kids and with a joke of a circuit. Ahem "latecomers go out and run 10 laps around the pool"

Firstly i came late because of homework.

Secondly, im sacrificing my precious last-minute-do-homework time for swimming.

Thirdly, i have better and more important (like homework) things to do than waste my time walking round the pool.

So i just left.

By the way, that's a pathetic attempt at circuit. I think you better stop it.

Studies are more important than swimming. But i love swimming more. Too bad.

sunday. again. and nothing done.

2006-06-25T19:05:00.000+08:00

FOR MY TESTIMONIAL.

Evil big fat tammie makes me post (: Again. Wait wrong face ): But then i just got friendster today! YAY. And yay again cos i got 4 testimonials already! x) And all i never ask people to do haha (annoyingly those i ask they never do yet hmph). But i shall have to give them testimonials too.

And yes yes yes i still have only done math. I still have HOE Portfolio 2chinesecompres ydtk physics. I HOPE THAT'S IT. I know im screwed. But isnt it always like this for every holiday? It was turn out alright la. Trust me. I can always act cute :)

Hehehe and off to play with friendster again! (yes and somehow i will still get that GPA 3.79! if i have to kill someone)

sunday

2006-06-25T12:25:00.000+08:00

Your Observation Skills Get A B-

Your senses are pretty sharp (okay, most of the time)And it takes something big to distract you!

How Observant Are You?

yay!

Samm's party was so fun okay. Haha and the follow up during medicine ball this morning was equally scandalous! Whee.

You Will Die at Age 70

You're pretty average when it comes to how you live...And how you'll die as well.

What Age Will You Die?

oh no =(

Friday (OMG SCHOOL'S COMING YOU FUCKER)

2006-06-23T11:48:00.000+08:00

Ahem. Time to start homework! OH NO but i still dont feel like. Goody goody i'd love to see how this turns out. I want to do so many things before the holidays end but sadly there's no time ): Now i wish i had done all my work in the first week xD That'll be damn cool.

And gah this morning's training was so dreary and boring. Haha i would have gone home like after half an hour if auntie t had not been there too. Lol we were both dying of boredom. Like no one except auntie t and 4 other no names (ya la i know their names lar but you know, i mean like people i dont know as in KNOW) to swim with. And auntie t is like halfway retired already. So yay i spent the morning floating up and down the pool (for the last half hour this was LITERALLY) lol. Haha i should stop going 7.30 morning trainings. I always end up slacking.

And for the last set of 10*150 i used snorkel and pull buoy (to float better) and went to work on my stroke/slack/float around in the short course lane. Auntie t was being a slacker too, kicking on her board. Lawl haha i think we did like 50m for every 100m the other people did. SO BORING.

I can't stand boring sets. When training gets boring i naturally begin to go slow.

3 things i cannot have in training:

1. BORING SET

2. Actually boring set okay if i have people to swim with. And not fellow slow people/slackers mind you. I must have faster-than-me people to swim with if not no motivation xD

3. Fellow big people to go!

= i cannot have boring training if not i have slack training. But then 5.30 training is so hard to go to ): I always wake up at 5, eat my breakfast then end up going back to sleep cause im too lazy. Then i wake up at 6.45 and go for 7.30 training instead. Quite retarded hor xP

But after one whole morning of slacking i still feel so tired now =/ And i want to go shopping gahhh. Han's back! YAY.

And why isnt _____ going training!

Thursday

2006-06-22T14:50:00.000+08:00

Wah lau i feel damn sad ): Everyone is so fast okay. Go national open zoom here zoom there. Left me slowpoke at home ): Aiya even if go also get last. Damn depressing lar. Whole day swim here swim there. And nothing comes out of it. Then everyone i swim with get medals here and there and break records everywhere. YOU ALL AH MAKE ME FEEL SO BAD. But then i guess it's my fault i swim so slow. SLOWPOKE >.<

And you know i seriously think swimming with us wouldnt do the ADVANCE kids any good. Firstly, overcrowding. Wah lau swim damn squashed leh. Somemore sometimes swim things like today's heartrate. They can't even keep up lar -.- no time to rest for some of them, they just keep swimming like aerobic set like that. And when they split everyone across each lane for some main sets, it's very annoying to swim with the small kids. Especially since they're so SLOW COMPARED TO US, and we KEEP OVERTAKING THEM. AGAIN AND AGAIN. And they dont even give way when we overtake them.

Therefore swimming with them is seriously detrimental to our improvement as ELITE swimmers. WE need the elite environment that every other club has, we need to have better sets which we cant have as we need to accomodate the small kids. We cant have the team building we used to have (like games on new year's eve) because now the team is too huge. We cant have circuit which we used to have because of the little kids with us now the team's too huge. I WANT YOU SELFISH PEOPLE TO SEE THIS. I want you to know that our elite team's team spirit and improvement are seriously being hindered because of this "competitive squad" merging.

Secondly, it doesnt do the ADVANCE kids any good as well. Cos honestly, any coach can carry out any set. And make the swimmers do ANY set. Jaan gives the other coaches sets to do right. Well any coach can give that set. What jaan does is to make improvements to our swimming by reiterating the drills and all and making sure of our breathing patterns. HELLO LOOK HERE. HERE HERE HERE. Today's training we were supposed to breate 3 5 7 9. Yes and oops only the ELITE people did it? Yes sadly the small kids as usual just breathed on every stroke. Well cause for such young swimmers, stroke and all these arent very important yet arent they? I was their age once hello. And i think we all feel very annoyed especially for drills cause when we are supposed to be focusing on something and doing our drills properly, the small kids just anyhow do their drills and do not help their stroke. They just do it as fast as they can without doing what they are supposed to do.

Being with jaan doesnt help them see? It does not benefit them cause at such a young age, they are not so serious yet or see the importance of doing drills properly and following breathing pattern all that. I know cause i was young once and i was only concerned with going fast xP And it does not help them to do breathing patterns meant for elite older swimmers too. They just are not at that level yet and in the end, jaan only ends up focusing on the bigger kids and the small kids only just tag along.

Advance should not have merged with elite cause it does both squads no good and has a detrimental effect on the elite squad. Perhaps it did for better moving up in between squads? But hello we could always have the old criteria back and try to improve on it again.

wednesday

2006-06-21T12:47:00.000+08:00

School starting soon ): And liu jiao lian's leaving tmr. Argh he's our oldest coach left besides uncle chng? Then we'll only have uncle chng left from the old generation of coaches. All the old generation slowly going. Wah lau it's damn sad la. And i feel so bad for all the old people. I dont know if they feel sad, but it's like they've been in this club for dont know how long and swim here since long before we started. And they were winning and all that and now they're nowhere and going. Auntie t and den are going to train like only 1 month more? Then leave. Forever. And i think samuel won't stay too much longer too. It's really damn sad.

I dont want to grow old and have to leave. I want to stay here forever =) But even we are going soon arent we. The small kids are coming up -.- Perhaps that's something of why i dont like them. I dont say it, but actually im quite old already hor =( I want to go back to when i was p4. I want to swim with all my old friends again and not care about anything. I didnt even like care about competitions lor. FUN.

I really dont want the old people to leave. leave and leave and then i'd be the oldest and it would be my turn to leave. 11 years wasted.

I heard liu jiao lian's farewell party tonight. And i heard from my youngest brother =/ Are the older people invited? Haha or only young kids. But i find it so sad that all the people who trained under him are like retired and gone liao. Like most of the old swimmers. They wont be going to his farewell party ):

1500 and 400 in two weeks time! Straight finals gahh i hate straight finals. And i cant wait to swim club night x)

.

2006-06-19T18:14:00.001+08:00

Yay i changed my skin. And i just realised that there is no more title. But then i dont know how to get it back so who cares. And national open first day today! Now i wish i signed up lor. Aiya whole day now do boring set while they all do fun sets damn sian leh =( And i do boring sets with the oldies! xD and small kids -.- not fun. Dont wanna do school nats too ): 1500 and 400 come on! Must start training seriously.

The farewell party on saturday. Was erm okay i guess. Though i was in a very big rush and kinda forgot most of the games stuff like the old clothes and the coins i don't think they really mattered. Cause the people were so uncooperative -.- I think the only thing they really liked was the water bombs. But they were quite fun lar. Haha esp since we didnt have a tap so had to fill using the toy pump and the water from the ice bucket. Cool. And i hit shiyang!

But i like the talking. Yup and my cake came quite early so it was sweating by the time we cut it =/ But it was nice. And some of the red things dropped off the card! Grrr. Like a lot of people didnt come so ahgong and i were going through the register numbers and writing for the people who didnt come. CEC! East Coast was so crowded we had to walk quite a bit to find an empty pavilion. And the ice bucket was super heavy lol. But there was so much left over food x_x

I have been slacking loads at training lar. Gahh but then i've decided to heck care about proper breaststroke and just go chiong my grandma breaststroke. Can right x) Cant be bothered liao.

Less than one week to school! And shit i havent started homework heh. Good luck to us.

and look!
My Personal Dna Report

save the children of the world

2006-06-15T21:21:00.000+08:00

Gahh im so tired. I feel quite guilty actually. I skipped morning training today, and i got out of afternoon training like an hour early x_x Hehe but i was really feeling damn tired okay. The moment i jumped in my right arm and legs felt so... tight. Argh that kind of feeling. And i couldnt really exert too much strength. Like so tired.

And i went to get the cake ingredients and pens to write on the card today! Shit im really getting so stressed about the stupid party. I think it wont be very fun ): Then wont that be so sad. So shit i must make it fun. And going down to east coast AGAIN tomorrow to check out the bowling alley and laserquest for wet weather plan. PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE let it not rain. Seriously if not i'll be in deep shit.

And i also went with my mother to the wet market. And i saw a guy younger than me buying stuff from one of the stalls! Okay i really felt so spoilt cos he was wearing quite fine clothes and like buying things from the stallholder alone. I wouldnt even go there if i could help it. Spoilt.

And did i tell you! I got a new phone! YAY hahaha motorola razr v3i xD I love it.

Anyway training today i got up at 6.30. I felt quite terrible especially since i havent been training hard and i didnt go training in the morning. So i thought, hey! Let's go run. So i went to run on the treadmill downstairs and i FLEW. I've never run so fast and easy before. Like omg. When i ran my 9.26 for 2.4km this year i think i was doing like just 4 minutes on the treadmill with 13.0 speed and dying already. Today i did 14 minutes on a speed of 15.0-18.5. I FELT SO GOOD. Hehe and the old uncles kept on looking at me ok xD I felt so fit that i ran for 30 minutes in all. And i wasnt like really very out of breath, it was because of my burning legs that i had to stop. I tell you my body's really too weak.

AND i have to go. SHIT at 9.30 my parents are siao.

love is a river

2006-06-10T20:07:00.000+08:00

Im sorry im so so sorry. Im sorry for being such a bad person.

forgive me?

let's go back.

walk with me?

2006-06-09T22:14:00.000+08:00

im pissed cos i didnt say you do not.

pissed.

talk to me?

this is so pathetic.

this sucks

2006-06-07T22:17:00.000+08:00

I dont think i should be in A group. I look at all the other guys there - ms, kang, yang, kenneth. I feel quite weird cause im like the only one who doesnt go to overseas competitions like sea age and all that. And like having me in the same group as kang makes A group seem so pathetic. Yeah it's pathetic isnt it.

I dont feel like training anymore. Perhaps if we still trained as an elite squad i wouldnt mind. But now it's just so mass swimming. I seriously dont like training with the small kids. Hey we had to work hard to get into elite. Now they come here and BLEH. Lol just too bad for them there's no way they can get into elite ANYMORE. Unless of course all of us from elite accepts them as elite. But that would be super difficult wouldnt it. Their loss.

And skipping one day of training tmr. I WANT TO GET MY BREASTSTROKE BACK ON TRACK. and when i do. yay i will be happy again.

Life is the Road

2006-06-06T22:03:00.000+08:00

Wherever you go, I will be waiting
Whenever you call, I will be there

We were strangers, startin out on a journey
Never dreamin' what we'd have to go through
Now here we are, and
Im suddenly standin'
At the beginning with you

No one told me, I was going to find you
Unexpected what you did to my heart
When I lost hope,
you were there to remind me
This is the start
And life is the road
And I wanna keep going
Love is a river and
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road now and forever a
Wonderful journey.
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the story's through
In the end I wanna be standin'
At the beginning with you.

We were strangers on a crazy adventure
Never dreamin' how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you
And life is the road
And I wanna keep going
Love is a river and
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road now and forever a
Wonderful journey.
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the story's through
In the end I wanna be standin'
At the beginning with you.

New there was somebody somewhere
Help me alone in the dark
Now I know my dreams will live on
Ive been waiting too long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart.
And life is the road
And I wanna keep going
Love is a river and
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road now and forever a
Wonderful journey.
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storys through
In the end I wanna be standin'
At the beginning with you.

life is the road and
I wanna keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep going on
Starting out on a journey

And life is the road
And I wanna keep going
Love is a river I wanna keep flowing
In the end I wanna be standin'
At the beginning with you.

we cant give up

2006-06-04T19:43:00.000+08:00

Dont say you give up. pleaseplease dont say you give up =( cos i know you're good and we can still do it. cos when you say you give up, i feel like crying lots and giving up too and im not yet ready to give up. Please let's give it another try. One last shot cause this is the last time you have isnt it? Dont give up and let's try together cause we can still make it (: Im not ready to give up and cry, dont give up cause we can still do it.

ONE LAST TRY PECK. or we fall <3

I just want you to know who I am

2006-06-03T21:27:00.000+08:00

Training's been horrible. Im so slow i think i should really just quit swimming. There's not quite anything for me to look forward to anymore. My breaststroke's been so screwed i kept drifting to the left today in training and i am so effing slow i got so pissed i kept trashing in the water and screaming inside and throwing my goggles around. It was so stressful i slacked for the free too cause i was too pissed and disappointed to swim fast.

I guess that was what made me *** But i dont think i would have done it really had ** not said that. I just got more pissed but 10 seconds later i had to go to the toilet and stand under the shower.

Thanks jaan for going to the toilet to look for me (:

I dont know why im like that.

Been going with ahgong to do the farewell party stuff. And eek it took up two days of this week. We went to find farewell present with theng, keeyao, calvin, shaun. And yest we went east coast to recce. Though it was kinda a wasted trip haha we spent most of the time at parkway i think eating and walking around. farewell's gonna be a good party.

Oreo came back to swim today! Finally. And i found out that ACS year 5 can swim in b div. WAH LAU i bloody pissed. Super unfair shit lah. Lol anyway. Jaan treated us to pizza at pastamania! YAY x) Lots and lots of pizza i think we couldnt finish a last piece issit. Haha anyway once again it was very... divided i guess. Those 5 boys sitting there like just connected to us by jaan. Idiots. I hate it. I look at the ace blog. And i want to cry. Cause ace the team spirit ROCKS lah. Wah lau and the guys are mainly the ones who post -.- And they go out for team breakfast and everything. If i were younger and faster i would really go there. Abandon the sinking ship cause that's what we are. But anyway we went to buy icecream, arcade, icecream again, and then bubble tea and SBS bus 196 home! Yay.

Girls i just realised it's also your fault you know. If they dont talk to you doesnt mean you all dont talk to them. I guess why people like kat and make such good friends with them is because she acts normal and talks to them and not sticking with the girls the whole time. Hello today at the arcade i think you all totally ignored them. Also at pastamania. Ahem next time i want you all to say hello and like invite them to join you guys okay xP Please (y) And dont act bimbo! Or weird. Cause you do.

Lol anyway the 800 free yesterday was so inspiring i tell you. Im going to join that next club night and be the first one to do a sub 10 min x) Hahahaha. And thanks bengoh for the cadbury!

SSC elite people! This coming tuesday 11+ xmen at orchard cathay or the cathay. Who wants to go? Tell me!

I hate so many things about you that i cant count them anymore. And i hate especially how you make me laugh.
But what i hate most, is that i dont ~~really~~ hate you at all.
I just want you to make me laugh somemore. And smile and cry and dancedancedance.
Please?

RI SEC 3 GEP'06 <3

2006-05-27T20:57:00.000+08:00

IM BACK XD overseas learning journey was tiring, dirty, but in the end, rewarding and fun! I LIKE.-First Day-

Actually not really first day hor. More like from 4pm+ We started in school, then went to the train station which was really run down (i didnt know there were still places in s'pore where they charge you 2o cents for going into the toilet! And the train ride started from like 6.30. REALLY FUN. Haha though i didnt do anything much but sleep and watch people play and eat and read my book. I like such rides =) Cool experience too watching the outside pass by

-Second Day-
Started from 12 am -.- argh. Was a zombi this whole day. Anyway we got to pahang at around 2.30am+? And it was so dark and so ulu i felt so horrible. (so gu niang? lol). But we got to the palm plantation chalet. and they were quite run down =/ yucks but fair and quite big lah. at least our room didnt have frogs or flys or spiders or lizards like the other rooms xP WE WERE CLEAN. Yay i roomed with tian le and tedric. And we watched cool malay dramas.

Then wake up call 7 am. Horrible i say. Then we went back to sleep! Luckily tedric woke up at 7.15 haha. if not we would have been late. breakfast was quite fair and fun. And there were kittens around the pool! I was quite uncomfortable with all the open nature, grass mud all that. I am a superbly disinfectant shiny clean city mall person. 100% yes.

Then we split into two groups. Bus A and C go to the plantations. Bus B and D go caving! Kevin Mark Lee and Seetow stepped on an ants nest and it was so gross xP they took off their shoes and ants were crawling all over their socks. There was so many it looked scary +_+ Hmm anyway after lunch we swapped with the other group!

Now we went caving. The caves were dry for the most part lar. But there was one part in the dark where it was so muddy and squishy we were all like omg and ewwewweww. But i think we would have been quite blind without our head lights lar. And climbing in the caves was quite fun. Adventurous! Yay really damn fun especially that part where we had to climb throught the small opening in the ceiling. So small i almost got stuck! As it was i had to scrape through. But it was fun climbing through the caves together. Jump here jump there, climg here climb there and balancing on rocks! Though i was really a dead zombie lar my legs were so exhausted.

Then the last part of the caves. We went into this HUGE cavern. REALLY HUGE. The top was like hmm as tall as a condo? or shorter. I dunno x/ but REALLY HUGE. Yeah and the rock walls were really really cool. But the coolest was the rock island in the middle where it comes up and the light shines on it through an opening in the ceiling. Really beautiful when the light shines on the island. There were plants on it! Wow. Pity i dont have photos from the caves cause i didnt want to bring my camera in =( But i shall get from our professional photographer daniel lee! yes.

There was one part along the wind cave where it was super windy. Damn nice the breeze. And the whole place just looked natural in a cool way lar. Not like hiking up a bukit timah hill or smth.

Back to chalet to wash up! And then dinner. After dinner we went to night walk in the plantation. Tour guide brought us in a long way. Then we had to turn over all the torch lights and headlights put in a sack and each bus was only given 2 candles, and we had to find our own way back. So we walk in two lines in the dark hoping the people heading the line didnt lead us wrongly haha. Though it was quite easy cause the path was just one or two way. Ms tang and mr teo were behind me and haliim and they were very scared hor xP But titus as usual. Big dependable brother from primary 4 =) stayed at the back of the line behind the teachers.

Debrief was interesting. The kittens kept on sneaking up on us and walking among us that everyone was getting shocked frequently. Like halfway feel something warm and furry bump against you hand. Then look then AHHH. And HOHOHO ms tang is scared of cats.

I think i was high =) night walk quite interesting lar but had to bathe again after that.

-Third Day-

Hmm wake up call at 6.30 this time. Then after breakfast long bus ride which was damn fun. Bus ride to... Kuantan? I think yes. On the way we stopped at a batik factory which was damn cool. A lot of people bought fake billabong and quiksilver caps which were cool and only 10 ringgit. But i didnt buy. Come to think of it i was very stupid on this trip. I hardly bought anything back. But anyway there were a lot of mosquitos and flies in that place -.- But then bus ride to the hotel!

Oh yes kevin mark lee gave me his bag of food to keep for him and it was FULL of food. Haha damn fun and he let me take all! I shared it with lionel, sambor, benhong; and between us, we managed to finish almost all xP

After the chalet, the hotel was HEAVEN. The teachers ask for volunteers to go with them to buy stuff for the orphans with the money we raised but i didnt volunteer cause i wanted my free time in the hotel. I felt a little guilty since i just stoned in my room while a lot of others went out together to check out the cheap pirated stuff at the mall opposite xP Hmm but then we went for turtle release.
The turtle sanctuary you have to take of your shoes then can go inside. Hmm and we learnt about the place and turtles. Then we were all supposed to release a turtle each. but it started raining after dinner. So only those people who want to volunteer will go to release turtle. There were so many ants in that shelter that kept landing on you and hitting your head and all that. TOO MANY TO COUNT. Really the place was really teeming with ants, i was getting very freaked and stressed. And i was annoyed with our muddy shoes and sandals left out in the rain it was so disgusting; i didnt feel like releasing a turtle.

But after ms tang talked to us on the bus about it. How she said it was a really once in a lifetime opportunity. Cause the people do not let tourist release turtles or anyone else. The teachers and mr jimmy from the rotary club had to negotiate with them many many times before they agreed. And it was because of our school's name that they agreed too. So i felt really guilty that i had wasted such an opportunity and wasted the teacher's efforts.

So when ms tang asked for people to the mall and buy more things with our remaining money for the children again i volunteered. Guilty conscience mah x) Though i was super tired and irritated wiht my dirty and muddy sandals and dirty self. (it was 9pm+ already!) but i still went. And whee im glad cause it was quite fun. The shops were already closing and i think we were the last customers at the shopping centre. But we went back and the teachers asked us to spread the word that anyone who wanted to help to go down to the lobby at 11pm to help sort out all the stuff.

Im guilty again. I was lazy so i didnt go. i went to jiahong's room to play for a while then went back to my room. To my credit, i slept at around 11 =) See so i didnt not go down because i wanted to play. But i think, when i was in primary school. I would have volunteered for all these without any hesitation. Where did my enthusiasm go to? I guess i no longer believe in all these.

-Fourth Day-

We went to the homes! Bus A went to the orphans home. And we didnt need to clean the place cause it was very clean but the other 3 buses needed to clean their homes cause they were private owned and quite rundown. Someone got bitten by a centipede while cleaning! Scary. Anyway we went to their nursery too and there were so many cots inside. They looked like prisons. And there were a few babies and toddlers. They were so cute but it was so sad. We played with them for a while and michael bin gave one of the toddlers his watch cos he kept playing with it. I like that spirit =) That's very nice.

Anyway we went to the royalty beach after that for picnic lunch with the people from the homes and to play with them. It was quite cool. But couldnt wait to go home!

Then the long bus ride home was so fun. First we watched two movies, poseidon and triple x II. Poseidon was damn funny... cos you could see the shadows of people walking across the screen. Lol this one REALLY pirated. Gosh they videoed it in the cinema and halfway suddenly see someone's head moving across the screen. Lol. But i wasnt really watching. I was eating/listening to benhong's mp3/sleeping. Such bus rides are for gorging yourself on junkfood and spoiling your teeth, sharing your food, sleeping and being a pig. We all shared our food and it was so fun =)

Then after we passed the singapore checkpoint, titus came to the middle of the bus. And took out his guitar and and we sang songs. First we sang nonsense songs. Then later we kept singing our batch song and school song. I LOVED IT. You could really really feel the bus spirit and camaraderie . It was solid. When to the school song. We were singing at the top of our voices and it just makes you feel so =) and like crying haha. But we quickly sang one final batch song before we arrived at school. And ms sim was quite excited to see our bus and came up cos after all we're the coolest bus right x) Yeah but we really had the most fun. BUS A ROCKS.

On my bus i sat right at the front with daniel lee. Benhong and haliim/yansheng sat behind us and sambor/lionel opposite. Haha lionel scaredy cat! I liked the people sitting around me =) and the teachers to my right haha.

Hmm on this trip, it was fun but tiring. But i feel so much worse as a person after this. I experienced so many more things and witnessed so much more of my friends. I saw much nicer things of my friends that i never knew and i feel so bad for being such a judgemental person. I look at all the good qualities of other people and all the nice things they did and i feel like a horrible and bad person =( I dont like what i've become and i feel so inadequate.

Anyway i have FINALLY updated my links! Yay and ive uploaded the photos, they are in the links page. But silly me i mostly took pictures of myself and useless photos. The photos i should really have taken i didnt take. But dont worry! I shall get them from daniel lee, he has EVERYTHING. I shall get the nice cave photos too! Yay so wait for me to get then i will upload them too.

AND I LOVE 3L'06 <3

crazy

2006-05-22T09:53:00.000+08:00

off to clean the beaches of kuantan malaysia! eek.

today is russell chan's birthday. see i rmb. haha finally i rmb someone's birthday (or rather i rmb when people remind me xP). like for ____ birthday last year. I was going to say i regret that. but hey we agreed to be nice now x) at least he answered my happy birthday sms. unlike- we know. anway to russell chan: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! give me all your birthday presents!

i hate it when you make me laugh. do you notice?

playing sexy feeling hotter

2006-05-20T12:01:00.000+08:00

Yesterday we went out to watch over the hedge. It was a nice show i think. Just quite lame. But hammy on caffeine is SO COOL Hahahaha i think it was too short though. But we got there late. Cause we were sooo hectic at the first part rushing here and there gathering everyone and waiting for people (grr). But still we ALL got into the theatre. Though i think we made a lot of noise cause we were quite blind. Yay and i brought my never before used by me camera. Silly me and i placed lots of fingerprints on the lens cause i was feeling how fun it was to feel it going in and out while zooming in and out -.-" After that i realised how stupid i was.

But i took a few pictures! Haha with everyone i think. Just except for one stupid unfriendly person. But i didnt want to press it. And the cake was nice. THANKS WEN. Me and my brother got a hangten t-shirt, the flashing boy from action city, and an SSC iron-on crest, for heshan. Isnt that nice xP But. Im not really close to him. Oh shit. I am supposed to write a letter for him. And im going out in 10 minutes! Shit.

END OF MENTORING. dunno if im happy or sad. Aiya i wrote a long message on the back of my mentee's certificate. Haha i can get quite carried away writing letters. But i told him in life, we only have two choices in the end.
1. To choose to be happy or to be sad
2. To choose to try your best or not

There are other things lar but now i think those affect me the most. I have been trying every training during a tough main set to tell myself. Heck let's just give it our all. Try our best or not we still finish it at the end. Sometimes i break down halfway or lie to myself that im trying my best. But on the days i actually do try my best for the whole set, I FEEL DAMN ACCOMPLISHED. Yay i feel very happy =) So see in the end we just need to choose between these choices.

If you want to be sad. Who can help you lah. Life sucks right. We have to go through it and if you are stressed. Change it if you can. But if you cant, what's the point of being sad when you can be happy. Though honestly this can lead to when you have one more mark to a GPA 4 you go shit but laugh it off. But others who are not so carefree scream and cry about it. It sucks doesnt it. Just dont get too heck care.

And now im very intolerant of slackers too. If you slack and want to feel down. Dont get snappy at other people cause if you do i will give you a scolding. It's your choice after all.

And after the last session where we played with the mentees. Ms Heng (our mentor) showed us a video with lots of inspiring messages which i felt were really true. And it really touched me. I felt really... you know that kind of feeling la xP SO TRUE all those things.

Oh shit i gtg.

waiting

2006-05-17T22:30:00.000+08:00

i think. i am obsessed.

fake

2006-05-16T21:01:00.000+08:00

I have decided. TO STOP SLACKING. And this time, IT'S THE REAL THING. Really really this time. Hahahaha. Cause my brother isnt smarter than me. And he got a 3.94 overall GPA and of all things not to get 4.0 GPA in is in english -.- Plus he didnt study at all for the cts unlike my last minute cramming -.- DURING LONG PERIODS OF MEDITATION, i have contemplated the mysteries of life. And come to a conclusion that it was because he spends weeks on projects and studying while i do them in the thirteenth hour xP THUS it is because of my laziness and slack attitude. I have resolved to buck up and get my GPA 3.79 for the overall year cause baby, that's so POSSIBLE.

full moon

2006-05-15T21:20:00.000+08:00

Quite a few GEP teachers are gonna leave during the june holidays. Hmm i heard mrs neo li kheang my sec 2 chem teacher. And 3 teachers also who teach my class. I know two of them. Ms Chia who i really quite like a lot is leaving for vjc. and Ms Tang. I dunno if she's leaving permanently or just on loooong holiday around the world. But we will be having 3 different teachers for the rest of the year. Funnily, during that moment when ms chia told us she would be leaving and ahgong told me ms tang would be leaving. I felt more like crying than any of the stressed times i've had so far. The only reason i didnt was because i dont cry in public especially in front of teachers anymore.

I dont know why it's not like im especially close to them? But dont you think it's so sad. We always have people leaving us in our lives. And it hurts everytime doesnt it. But i wonder, why they werent as affected by it as i was?

I want to swim. I want my bestie. I want to talk to someone who can listen.

Lol a subcomm member who says fuck to swimmers and threatens them? Hahaha for saying hello hmm. Crazy old coot.

me manual

2006-05-13T20:25:00.000+08:00

13 THINGS COACHES AND PEOPLE WHO TRAIN WITH ME SHOULD KNOW

1. I have a temper
2. Never say things like "jia you" or "you're doing good zi yao". Cause it's terribly condescending to me. I dont need such encouragements.
3. If you don't give me my time for something. I will slack the next one.
4. People who slack the first few and sprint the last one are greatly annoying. I make sure i trash them for ALL.
5. I dislike people who keep on going first and end up getting overtaken everytime. PUT THESE PEOPLE DOWN A GROUP.
6. I get angry easily. If you find me pissed and rebellious/slacking. Dont try to do anything or talk to me. Or you are gonna get some serious attitude and bitching.
7. If you put me in a lower group than others who i know i obviously beat, i will go fast and beat their timing regardless of the times my lane are on. The people behind can just follow.
8. Often if i feel that the people in my lane can make faster times, i will go earlier and try to force them to make the time. THEY JUST LAZY.
9. I hate it if you show biasness, i will try my best to make sure the people you dont favour will beat those who you favour.
10. I am no longer afraid of being rebellious or bitchy or hurting peoples' feelings. Make me annoyed and i will make sure your life is HELL. Except if im scared of you lar xP
11. Dont get too cocky or bigheaded. Cause for some of you, you arent fast at all. Stop putting yourself ahead of er yourself. Please lar dont consider yourself elite if no one acknowledges you as so. Stop thinking you're so fast cause arrogance isnt a nice quality and people just get disgusted. LISTEN TO PEOPLE LAUGHING AT YOU.
12. Often it isnt because i cant do it. But because i dont feel like doing it. So dont make the mistake of underestimating me cause you just make me angry.
13. Before i trust you and accept you i would be GREATLY intolerant. So please people i dont really know dont piss me off like slacking in the middle of the lane.

Training's been so tough =( and school's day after tmr argh. CANT WAIT FOR JUNE HOLIDAYS. i think im going for the aquathlon but that's like right after our GE camp in malaysia +_+ dunno if i can still swim/run.

and he's daoing me! ARGH fine always like this lar but IDIOT im trying to be nice now.

are we going to keep it strong

2006-05-10T21:17:00.000+08:00

When you think you have lots of friends. but you still feel alone. No one to talk to? Look again. Maybe you are alone.

You think you are popular. But if you find yourself following after others just sticking about with the group. You follow where they go. Sorry think again. You're just a loser.

Sitting on the swing. Going up and down. Feeling pain and tired only, when you remember you should be feeling happy. Feel like throwing your head back and crying and shouting out a song. A song 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I CAUGHT THE STARS! finally you feel happy and tired because of it.

When you know you do not hate the person/s. total opposite. But you cant help but destroy what could have been. Distance yourself and put miles and miles in between. Think again and maybe you find it was because you were scared of rejection. Again and again.

If he did not do what you think he would do. Does your hurt turn to hate? What is wrong. I think im an S personality. Sorry i cant.

You think everything is going right. Everything is fine. You think you are showing a cool, reserved front. Look in the mirror. Maybe you're just being a loner. Perhaps you dont know what they think of you. Perhaps you just wish you knew them/you/us/whatever.

I am profiled an I personality. I think i was. Now im just too tired. Tired to try. Tired to be. Being I is tiring. Tiring to suppress and show and suppress and show again. Are we too shy? Why must we suppress it. Are we afraid of what they might think? Do we know them yet?

Are you trying hard? Slack some sprint some. Let's come in first. The last set only. Too bad you still cant beat me. THINK AGAIN COS YOU HAVE NOTHING ON ME.

Am i abusing the water? Do i only slack when you dont give me my times? Were we supposed to slack the first few and only sprint the last three? Never think that i cant do it or it was difficult. It is never difficult. It was never a problem. Just whether i felt like. Stop being a loser and maybe you will see. Why else do i give you attitude. THINKTHINKTHINK.

When you are in front of your locker. The lights are not all on. The shadows lie across your locker, the fan is spinning. In the background a person is talking loudly to his friend. Start to sing a song. "im blue. im going crazy how 'bout you?" maybe you're going crazy cos you switched lonely for crazy.

Nightime is such a nice time for thinking. Going through the bright porch with everyone waiting for their rides home. Feel out of place? Everywhere.

I think im going crazy.

once in a lifetime

2006-05-07T15:17:00.000+08:00

ok. i REALLY need the psychologist =( I AM SO DIFFERENT. gosh i wanna be guai boy again. shitshit i have been slacking this stupid midyear week away. gosh can you believe on thursday after my chem midyear, i went to j8 to watch mission impossible 3, WHEN I HAD MY PHYSICS AND MATH MIDYEAR THE NEXT DAY. god i am fucked. i bet me and jiahong were the only ri boys ever to do that in the middle of exam week right before the scariest two papers. But i guess it was alright for him cause he's the math genius =/ RIGHT I HAVE AP NOW i am so gonna get a GPA of 2.8 shit and i will end up crying at the end of the year i know but i cant help it. what's wrong with me =( all the days of this exam week i was playing the computer can you believe that -.- i really need help.

I AM FUCKED AND SO GOING DOOOOOWWN.

gala

2006-05-01T11:48:00.000+08:00

Gala was fun! Yay im so glad that i was persuaded to sit with 7 girls and 2 boys instead of sitting with the rowdy boys table. You're right X) i wouldn't have too much fun there anyway, im not like that. And i heard they were BORED to death! HAHAHA =) Yes i dont need to stick to the group. This seems like my p5 to p6 transition? I had so much more fun XD i wont be a follower. Haha i think half their table were like people who didnt really talk much lol. THANKS i finally see why i shouldnt care about it. And some of them came over HAH.

And this year's gala was so much more fun than last years! Yay but there were sooo many performances +_+ But rachel yeo can dance (y) better than me! WAH LAU. Had to learn the song in one night, but i felt yiwen should be applauded, she did the card AND the song! Haha great captain and i feel so inadequate xP And girls your dances are getting more AHEM haha. I won a photo printer! YAYA. food was lousy though. who eats sausage rolls for dinner! BUT jelly was nice.

mansheng called me action... who is more er action he or me? Lol am i even very action -.-" he wants loads of attention lar. Disgusting ass his performance was STUPID plus gareth just... hmm they made him look like a fool lar.

And i want to scold elite! Look at other clubs, look at our club. We are so fragmentated. Even the boys are not united AT ALL. Ok i admit i do not try to correct myself though i should =/ BUT if the boys cant even be united and not fragmentated like it is, NO WONDER the boys and girls are like seperate squads! This way we will never be a great club. I know the girls want to bridge the gap and they dont mind trying. But the majority of the boys you are shit. You dont even try! Instead of choosing to sit right at the other side of the ballroom, you could choose to sit next to the girl's + few boys tables. You effing people are the only table in elite to be sitting at a different area. Ok admittedly there were only 3 elite tables lar xP i wouldnt bother but the majority of our elite boys do not seem to want to be united at all. You all keep dissing the girls hello are you all gay? (im a good one to be saying that heh xP)

WHAT ARE YOUR PROBLEMS. I know it's probably just a stupid few people who insist on doing that. And the others follow probably cos they want to follow the "cool" boys or follow the group. Please i tried that in p5 i wasnt happy. I chose my own way in p6 and 6L was such a united class that was when i was truly happy and excelling. What can we do? GET YOUR OWN LIFE. And dont be a follower please.

Look at the generation before us. Ok lol maybe not generation but you know what i mean. Shinhan denise jody samuel tyunn orion. Their generation. THEY ALWAYS SIT TOGETHER NO MATTER BOYS OR GIRLS. They are very united. They even tried to make their own blog which the boys actively participated in. Our ssc elite blog might as well call it SSC ELITE GIRLS + FEW BOYS blog. wtf. Mature and get a life. We dont have much more time to be united.

OH SHIT HAVENT STARTED MUGGING. I die! Today got mayday dunno whether to go =(

if you wanna be my lover

2006-04-28T20:49:00.001+08:00

HAHAHA ms and kenneth, i never thought i'd say this. BUT YOU ARE MY IDOLS XD For the moment at least until you come mess me up again. I think the story is quite exaggerated but still. BRAVE BUT OH SO BRAINLESS SHIT. I shall be your fan on this. HAHAHA ROCK ON!

high on drugs

2006-04-27T21:04:00.000+08:00

I feel like im high on drugs. I have resolved not to be moody or depressed at least on my blog anymore. Haha too many people complain cos they want to read my happy posts XD Yeah but a final one! i feel like my life is being ruined and wasted but somehow i dont care cos i feel im untouchable. I know that one day i will feel the sting when i come back down again but i dont think i care now. We shouldnt be too stressed out about our commitments and homework and stuff. Cause it all just turns out to be useless paper at the end, and robot knowledge. I want true knowledge, of what makes me happy, of people, of life, and of myself. I want the software that makes us the right kind of person, not the monotone office workers without any life outside the office. We must have fun cause life isnt meant to be just all about studying and tests and stress. One life, Live it. Live the moment, live life on the edge! That's the only way we can truly have a life and be happy.

NO STRESS! Live it like you like it.

calm before the storm

2006-04-25T21:37:00.000+08:00

my blog has a problem. haha people there's another post below this, which was like days ago =/ but somehow my blog doesnt show it. AHHH that is, read it if this one shows -.-

And for some reason im feeling quite relaxed now. Haha that's maybe cos sunday had SO much work and ive done it all and i did my SS test today so unlike more than half the class i wont have to worry about it anymore. This week only have physics worksheet and ARGH physics test left. On waves which i NEVER listened to in class at all. Hmm and CTs next week. With gala and mayday! GAHH a bit dumb =/ Haha but not going midget meet. nowadays damn siaaan.

And im quitting math tuition cos all the other schools syllabus damn different from ri, half the time i cant follow anything and end up stoning. But it's such a pity cos now we changed place and this place is SOOO big and carpeted and all =(

Tomorrow learning journey day! YAY but then sec 3s going? erm some lousy place i think. I hope it's like a musuem with aircon and carpets and all. Better than going somewhere with mosquitos and hot sun and sweat. =) im a 100% city person.

kiss kiss

2006-04-24T18:07:00.000+08:00

Feeling quite tired now, but at the same time really invigorated. Haha went to sleep at 12.30 last night. Set my alarm to wake me up at 3.30 to continue doing my work but i slept right through it -.- TOO TIRED HAHA. Then come morning when my mother woke me up to go to school i was SHITSHIT rush out immediately take out my work try to rush. Lol of course cannot so i went to school without having done RE or physics worksheets, or bio quiz. HMM luckily i had decided to finish my history john scopes essay at night though i was so tired. AND YAY everything went prefectly in school. True to form, i managed to complete my bio quiz during the three periods before recess even while listening in class. Haha english was a BIG time waster -.- Just going through compre and every question always got people argue lol. And physics quiz just joined in the mass copying session before school xP ALWAYS got at least half the class never do one haha.

Then RE ms kuang didnt ask for our portfolio and diaries -.-" HAHAHAHA THANKFULLY i didnt wake up at three i would be a zombie like the others. Haha there was SO much homework and projects due today everyone in class were asking each other what time they slept. Like "i slept at 4am doing re with jiahong". Lol and when i went offline at 12.30 there was still like more than half my class online. HAHAHA and i slept so much earlier xP Thank god for not waking me up =)

But then now got to study for ss test tmr =( Look at the notes. APPALLING. Aha at least ive read like 3 pages? of one of them. Altogether i think got over 50 pages worth of notes. AHHH. more.
All im listening to these few days are rock and hip hop =/ Totally different from my tastes and what i used to. But then i think it suits my mood.

And i think im becoming increasingly unstable.Hope i do nothing that i will regret. Haha and im really changing, people think im depressed? Hmm but yeah i need a shrink.

tell them we're dying

2006-04-23T21:19:00.001+08:00

WITH LUCK ---) i can sleep at 1 tonight. -.- How cool is that.

cowboy god from head to toe

2006-04-22T19:54:00.000+08:00

Went training this morning. FINALLY HOR XP But i cant swim liao. My fly is zzzz. Swim the first 50 then die =( Aiyo but at least like this i dont tire myself out like shit, cannot swim too fast to be too tired because my body is too fat and lazy to keep up hmm. But quite fun i think, and i managed to go under 6 minutes for 2 of them! Then the other two 6.04 and 6.06 then the last two gone since my body finally reached the stage where it couldnt move any longer. Lol my arms were so tired, they cramped up whenever i pulled fly -.- Aiya and my breaststroke is now SHIT.

I think i have AP. OH NO cause i really think i do. At least im developing one. For those poor ignorant people, AP = Attitude Problem. Aiya, im very different from my old self now, dunno how. But i think im much more idontcare, youcangotohell, intolerant, bitchy, unreasonable, REBELLIOUS. OH that's like everything bad hor. Shit. But then im really damn asshole now i think, if a taxi horns at me for no good reason, i would probably show my middle finger and shout fuck. Gosh the old me would have just walked away saying sorry =/ And the new me is very rebellious, i find where last time i was SUPER respectful of authority adn adults, it's almost embarrassing to think of it. Now i am quite uh rebellious. Hmm can you all tell? I very openly showed my displeasure and temper thrice today and twice jaan responded. Hmm and EVEN WORSE, when he told me not to give him that kind of look, i gave him another look. I wonder what look he saw? I meant it to be a hmm... cold and disdainful look? SHIT AP. People keep on telling me how they are shocked at how much i have changed, in the space of half a year, since i left 2J. Lol if any of the old taonanites see me now they would weep for the old and very nice me. Not funny at all.

I hate the new me. I hate what ive become. And i find i do not care so much about work and tests now. Believe me when i say these. I DONT REALLY CARE ABOUT WORK. I AM NOW DAMN VULGAR. I FIND MY OLD INHIBITIONS GONE. I AM VERY REBELLIOUS. I AM BITCHY (i think). I have changed so much now and more and more like the badboys/poser gangster types i swore id never become. I hate it.

But then. I was thinking about going to the school psychologist! Hahaha yes we have one, and he's free right? I was thinking of asking my mother to bring me to a psychologist when i suddenly thought of our school psychologist. But then later people see how. His office is just opposite general office right. Eep. But the idea seems crazy. But i find that talks help you know, even those in groups. (and no i havent been to a psychologist/psychiatrist before)

Aiya i think i will just sit back and think. I do this very often i find =/ I like to just ponder over matters in my life and especially about myself. Hmm it's like i just think and think and finally just puzzle myself out and why i did those, feel that blah. But i was thinking about it in the showers today and i realised that this time i dont know where to start, and it's such a complicated mess

What kind of person have i become? I hate what ive become and i really want the old me back but i think it's my thinking that has changed and it will be kinda difficult to change especially with the environment (looks at 3L -.-) When we talked about people with AP i always felt pity? and dislike. I hate assholes. I think ive become an asshole.

dance dance

2006-04-21T21:30:00.000+08:00

Im feeling so tired and completely wasted now. Ah dunno why but ive been feeling so sick this few days without any visible symptoms like fever, flu, sore throat or whatever. =/ Dunno whats wrong with me, but i hope it's nothing bad.

And today again couldn't go training =/ Interhouse polo! SHIT. WE GOT 3RD. YAY BAYLEY! Whee we almost got into finals lar. Like we drew with stupid morrison for 2nd, and so had to play a rematch which we lost 1-0 =( SO WASTED. But then they had like SO MANY swimmers and polo players, we had only 2 swimmers and 3 polo players. And so the non-swimmers just kept camping at our goal lol cos they cant fight for the ball or really move around much or fast. Haha. Annoying shit the morrison and moor people damn rough. I got bullied =( Haha and you would think some of the swimmers were crazy. Charles and i were like marking and pushing each other for the whole match and he's quite rough lol. i got elbowed and punched so many times lar. Once our probably future team captain just elbowed my jaw and it felt sore for a LOOONG time.

But quite fun lar. Since we had such a lack of swimmers i played every match except one half. Lol wanted to sit out another one and seetow made me stay cause we needed to win buckley. HAHAHA matthew xP But our team damn nice =) especially seetow yeah lol i think we're the nicest house when we lost to morrison in the end we still cheer for them. But when we tied with them before that, we cheer them they never cheer us. Lots of anger haha. But morrison DAMN scary. A lot of shouting, like if score then some guy damn fierce shouting all over. Haha i scared. And whole team all very fast lar. And i dont like the sec 4 polo players, when got no ball near they just come grab my arm dont let me move and push me down =( BUT do we get a medal for coming in third? x) jon lim damn funny, everytime he rush me and push me down he say sorry.

Lol and rachel yeo's group and samm your group all not going to do anything is it. GOOD so now we only have the skit left. Very nice hor people. Aiya later skit burst also. Then we can listen to the emcee the whole day and his magic tricks.

AND OH NO. I just saw the magazine and my super super ugly short hair at that time. ARGH. I think i spoil the picture =(

make me feel

2006-04-20T22:00:00.000+08:00

Got my digital chinese dictionary! Yay looks cool. And OWWW today we were practicing polo after school cos seetow wanted us to and i smashed my left ring finger on the ball. Or actually the ball smashed it. So now it's swollen and hurting alot it's very difficult and painful to type. Argh tomorrow bayley polo better not get last xP And i better not be too embarrassing. Haha i already know im not strong enough to shoot, better not be a free ball. Lol we like only have 2 swimmers and 2 polo players in sec 3 and 4 =/ While the other houses probably have like too many to put inside the team. But then, let's fight VERY hard, maybe then we might get fourth. JUST MAYBE. Lol. Aiya bayley always got no swimmers one grr.

But then i dont really care hor. Today after the practice was the swim carn heats. Lol IM totally no swimmers swimming. I should have swum get a stupid gold finally but i decided not to -.- Dunno why lar but haha all the polo players swam. QUITE funny their fly, but shall not say. Haha i would have liked to swim =( Aiya but feeling so tired and out of form, dont feel like swimming already. And i think only one swimmer went for the heats after the im. Sad. But shit would really have liked to swim. Silly me and my weird impulses/ mood swings =)

Pray for my poor finger! And my loads of homework to disappear supersuper quickly and maybe then you wouldnt find a pmsy me being seriously cold and intolerant anymore =) And yes pray for bayley to not get last. Then i can play a few more games x)

tell everybody im on my way

2006-04-19T21:00:00.000+08:00

Today there was 2.4 run x/ Haha did veryvery slow time, so sad =( But then haha havent been training or training well lol since the start of asean cup. But then made me so tired for the swim carn heats later. SO i just slacked it. Lol aiya anyway no proper warm up warm down blah all that not really any motivation to swim. And yes i think i did a 1.25+ for 100 breast xP Hahahaha but dont care la. And for medley relay bayley got 4th! Lol we lost to morrison and moor by like 50m. Tze kang never come so morrison had to fightfightfight. BUT! At least we lost to buckley by only like 20m? Though wenjian didnt swim i think, lol only one noob swimmer me in bayley =( And got up mr kelvin yap (our house head) looked at me like quite weirdly and said good swim -.-" lol i think he thinks im super slow or something cos i was doing free and so slacked. ANYWAY jianying said something that our dearest best performer mr ng tze kang apparently said which made me quite happy and surprised XD But lol i never believed it though a lot of parents said so too. HMM.

Feeling sick now. Ah just wish i could get a fever tomorrow. REALLY REALLY cos i so need a break.

when will my reflection show who i am inside

2006-04-17T19:48:00.001+08:00

The dances were VERY FUNNY. Haha yes and our little girls were being very brave for their ages but i didnt really find kenneth and ms funny -.- till i saw tammie and then i started laughing horribly too. xP dont worry girls i laughed worse for the toast. I LOVED IT. hahahha. AND MACHO MACHO MACHO MAN HAHAHAHA. But i wasnt quite happy with the dinner overall cause well it was my first time not sitting at a full table with all the others yeah and i dont really like it but i dont really mind cause i know it will be bad to sit with ms and anyway it will be just as boring, those being the people i dont really talk to =/ But still i didnt feel happy. Yo elite girls i know you all have too many people too for 1 table so gala want to sit with half a table of boys? haha i have a feeling my brother might not sit with me anymore too =( too bad everybody loves ms. fuck him

Swimmers are really poser and badboys hor haha. Tammie we must collect my debt! But ahahaha you're damn responsible and nice YAY SUMO!

on a online personality quiz i came across this question. "do unto others... what you can't do for yourself." Then i really felt like crying. After all these stress and disappointments and conflicts. All the things i cannot change, i am helpless about to leave me in such a pathetic state. I can help others with some of them, and it makes me feel so bad cos im sorry i cant do these things for myself, but i can only do them to others and make their lives better and happier. Im so selfish i feel horrible but i want to change how screwed up and sad my life has become as well. Im tired of waiting and tired of being sad, tired of not being able to make my life happier.

why has it got this way? up and down over the waves now we are at the bottom. i dont know if i can ever make it better, perhaps i just have to wait for someone to do for me what they cant do for themselves.

But please can't you see im trying. At least for this. in short, im tired tired tired of being a failure at social life. tired of trying and failing too.

You must be honoured you're making me feel so confused and unhappy. it's a joke the way i can be so at the losing end of this deal. But hell i cant do anything just stop making me smile so much so i can hate you properly. amazing how a single person can make your whole life go wrong.

sorry if i didnt seem to happy during asean cup, but then it's easy to sympathise with others, but hard to share in their joy. sorry im so selfish but it's difficult not to feel sad especially when everything's going wrong for you and right for them.

Let's get down to business
To defeat the Huns
Did they send me daughters
When I asked for sons?
You're the saddest bunch
I ever met
But you can bet
Before we're through
Mister, I'll make a man
out of you
Tranquil as a forest
But on fire within
Once you find your center
you are sure to win
You're a spineless, pale
pathetic lot
And you haven't got a clue
Somehow I'll make a man
out of you

(Be a man)
We must be swift as
the coursing river
(Be a man)
With all the force
of a great typhoon
(Be a man)
With all the strength
of a raging fire
Mysterious as the
dark side of the moon

could I make a manout of you?
(Be a man)
We must be swift as
the coursing river
(Be a man)
With all the force
of a great typhoon
(Be a man)
With all the strength
of a raging fire
Mysterious as the
dark side of the moon
(Be a man)
We must be swift as
the Coursing river
(Be a man)
With all the force
of a great typhoon
(Be a man)
With all the stength
of a raging fire
Mysterious as the
dark side of the moon

a boring affair

2006-04-16T21:17:00.000+08:00

Im sad, tired, exhausted, sleepy and really really down. I don't think i would have minded if i didn't go to this asean cup. It's just been much more disappointments, worry and conflicts. I want to sleep but then again i have my homework. A lot to do this week and i wasted this whole weekend. I really really hate feeling like i dont care about anything already, but i do.

So many things i could have done differently. So many things i couldn't have. I wonder if i had stayed in polo instead, would i be happier now? Probably not. But im tired of swimming and of swimmers already. There's nothing i can do to make it better now that im here. Probably i never could.

Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
'Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I'm coming clean,
I'm coming clean

believe me i can fly

2006-04-09T18:07:00.001+08:00

My breaststroke is! ARGH. =( even now training so sucky lor. aiya dont ever feel like swimming it nowadays. But i like fly now! haha it's fun to swim. But asean cup the ONE relay im swimming is the medley one -.- seriously that's not very smart. lol if the sri lankan guy had to swim one relay, shouldnt he swim the back one? cos he's like 1.02 right. but free is lol. Dunno if i want to swim, cos there's like almost 0 chance we'll get a medal =/ and i dont really want to show off my problematic breaststroke to everyone again. Later dq because lopsided hah. ah and asean cup doesnt seem to be going to be as fun as it was.

So much homework now. i dunno how to do math pt!

why must you make me smile so much
it's bad enough we don't get along

say goodnight and go

2006-04-08T13:01:00.001+08:00

Mansheng's leaving RI =(( Aiya why he want to leave. I feel quite sad =( He’s going ACS on monday, but tsk. I know im very confusing lar but i really dont want him to go haha he's too enjoyable to really dislike.

And i went ORA jogathon today! Yay ems, yan, cheryl, sarah lai, naomi, lang, t-yunn, samuel went too. And of course all my classmates, but it wasnt as fun as i thought it would be, but still fun =) And we went to become bone marrow volunteer donors! Yeah me and naomi and t-yunn and samuel. It wasnt even very painful, just a little poke on your finger. But there's a lot of blood =/ I spent like 18 bucks there xP ohhh and not even lunch yet.

Tired of swimming already. Aiya i hate it that my stroke is shitty but some people's are obviously worse and i can't beat them. I hate this subcomm and inefficient managers and coaches. I hate biased people. You know this asean cup like everybody is swimming. And all those little kiddies make up like the whole lot. Lol from the younger age group after shujian, the only person who won gold medals and record at the bloody JAG was yes my youngest brother (what can i say? my brothers rock). And these little kiddies who cant make 1.50 for freestyle hundred cruise think they're so good come swim with us (or rather their parents) -.- Hell i do that for breaststroke warm up, come swim with us in "competitive squad" (my FOOT) and get track suits and package for something we had to WORK for last time and now EVERYONE goes plus even for open midget they get. Please lar, we had to work for this last time, and dont come here and fake just cos your children cant get dont come and make me pissed. Hey if they did this last year, i WOULD have swum in asean cup. Idiots. LOSERS.

Want jaan just take lar. Last time come complain why the older swimmers get jaan all to themselves. "We pay for him then he specially teach them" ah. FIRST, your son not in elite plus not old enough yet. Hello go to primary 5 first can? Lol and all the other parents who did this too. Next, CHECK if your son is fast enough first. If cannot win medal then dont come here make noise. LASTLY, hey elite squads get the elite training right? I dont think small little kiddies WHO CANT EVEN SWIM AT THE SIDE OF THE LANE and JUST KEEP ON TALKING AND DONT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING and SLACK AROUND DURING LONG SETS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE POOL should get elite training. As it is, it isnt and elite squad already anyway.

Screw our club up. Fine. Lol both yiwen and i have MUCH MORE experience in swimming and package and everything than the subcomm. And the older swimmers parents too, but hey they dont want to listen to anything hor. There are 20 prizes for lucky draw this year. LOL. And please lar, it's not like you're erm very pro. Haha i know some of the things done and the rules too, very LAUGHABLE.

My life is screwed up too yes?

Im sorry, im not a nice person anymore.

must you make me smile so much, it's bad enough we don't get along

2006-04-06T20:04:00.001+08:00

I hate stupid biased coaches =) reallyreally hate. i hate feeling ostracised too. really really hate.

And yay gotta do math and chem and physics now. I got dota now XD and yay i really love doing the baby programs we are doing.

read my mind

2006-04-06T20:04:00.000+08:00

snatched my heart in the heat

2006-04-05T20:53:00.000+08:00

Today my aim is to finish all work by 10.30 and go to sleep cos im currently super tired and i wanna go training tmr morning cos i didnt go today! But ive finished everything already, just need to mug for physics and philo >.< Argh and both totally have to mug from scratch cause i never bothered to listen for both. EEP.

And five items today! Quite fun i jumped 238cm =) though im quite sure i could jump further but ah well. Yay and friday we can slack cos next half of the class doing the five items, but next week 2.4 =( so wanted to do that this week.

But we have to MUG now! gosh i better score well tmr.