COS' WE ARE WINNERS FOREVER

[yao] crisis of faith says:

haha it's up to your interpretation

maybe when you stand by the person no matter what

xian - eloquent but narrow says:

yalor

damn weird

[yao] crisis of faith says:

but i think loyal friends do that too

xian

xian - eloquent but narrow says:

true true!

[yao] crisis of faith says:

in 4L i know Antonio* always stood up for me

xian - eloquent but narrow says:

as in Antonio?

[yao] crisis of faith says:

yup haha he was my best friend

but you know sometimes

xian - eloquent but narrow says:

ooooh

um hmm?

[yao] crisis of faith says:

when we get into friendships too fast too strong

you tend to want to pull back

ive experienced that quite a few times before

and im afraid i pulled back in sec 4 like the most ive ever pulled back

and we've stopped really talking since

i guess that can count as one of my biggest social regrets and mistakes haha

xian - eloquent but narrow says:

ahhhh

[yao] crisis of faith says:

it's really unfair to your friends when you do that

xian - eloquent but narrow says:

um hmm i agree

[yao] crisis of faith says:

especially if they put a lot into the friendship

i dont think he knew what was happening haha

xian - eloquent but narrow says:

ya its not very nice

*Names changed to protect privacy

Sorry friends but sometimes I really need my space and then life steps in to screw us up and I’m actually quite a terrible friend to have because when I’m feeling sian at life I just stop trying too! It’s not that I don’t know what’s happening or I want some things to happen, but if you know me you know I tend to act according to my feelings and what I love (such a selfish on the spur of the moment bitch I know) and it’s difficult to force things sometimes. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m sorry for all the social faux pas and regret the mistakes I’ve made.

Yesterday I had this puzzle which I couldn’t figure out. What is love exactly? When do we know that we are in love, and not just having a crush or a mere attraction? (Everyone has crushes to differing extents, and I once knew a girl who went through 6 boys in 2 months) Can infatuation actually be mistaken for love? How do we know what we’re experiencing is love exactly?

Quoting Joey out of context: “I want to jump on him”. Is sexual interest love or mere lust? If lust isn’t love, which I sincerely don’t think it is, then I think love develops from friendship and emotional attraction. Then again, sometimes even the line between strong liking for a friend and an emotional crush is extremely thin.

Someone told me that love cannot be labeled, and is not meant to be defined. There are no boundaries or distinctions, because it is just a feeling you get. When you keep thinking of the person, when you smile when you think of the person or talk to him/her, and when you feel bubbly and happy inside just from talking to the other person. How amorphous and dodgy, but extremely true.

I think love is an undefinable feeling that comes in degrees. There cannot be definite stages or distinctions of levels because honestly it’s impossible to measure the amounts of it you have. Instead it is a continuum, a gradient of varying degrees and sometimes we fluctuate, but love is when you are with the person who makes you smile the most and makes you want to burst with emotion. Though not in your loins because I think that is lust. So I will not worry anymore about whether I love, or I’m just attracted to. Because it’s all the same.

Someone told me that he had thought about this same question the whole year. He said that his crush was a boy and told me who it was. I was suitable impressed by his bravery and implicit trust in me. But then again, I think sometimes we are willing to tell our secrets and worries to people who we trust but are not that close to us because sometimes those same people are the ones who won’t judge you or will not be around you every day of your lives to pity you. We all hate people who pity us, and sometimes we worry what they are thinking when they look at us. Anyway after thinking about what he told me and that it could never work out, I think the greatest sorrow is to love someone, and not have any chance at all of having a relationship because of such a situation as above. At least ugly girls still have a chance at getting with hot boys however infinitesimally small it is. If unrequited love can be so painful, impossible love must be –beep-

Ah well xian and I have the weirdest emo talks, and she told me to take the colourgenics test whenever I’m feeling weird :D And it’s really quite true actually. "You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone. You don't like authority and you rebel against all forms of limitation. You are your own person and you intend to stay that way "

Well that’s quite true because these few days I’ve been a bad boy, arguing with my father every chance I get. Actually he argues with all of us because he insists on having this perfectly organized and structured house and household, every little thing is a personal affront. I cannot stand how people can accommodate him just because they are scared of him, sometimes I think people need to tell him in the face what’s wrong or what they feel because a family isn’t a dictatorship.